Restored faith...in the Church

This past year I have changed and changed. There is no better way to say it. I talk to people who knew me sophomore year and they bring up instances where optimism, idealism and fun was all the personality I had. I won't say I've become a cynic, because that's definitely not in my nature, but I've flirted with cynacism and pessimism especially concerning certain issues; the Church being one of them. But this week, I got a new vision of the Church; what it could be and what it should be.
I co-led a spring break mission trip to the city right near campus (about 8 miles actually). Jackson is a city with an unemployment rate that will knock your socks off, teenage pregnancies are commonplace and people generally live in poverty, but it goes unnoticed by many. So 17 SAU students and the Jackson community came together to show the community we care. Grocery stores donated 120 units (loaf of bread, dozen eggs and 1/2 gallon milk) so we could go door-to-door and give out groceries. We opened up laundromats so people could wash their laundry for free. We worked in 2 homeless shelters: painting, cleaning, fixing odds and ends. We also 'adopted' three "at-risk" families. The families were recommended by the Public School system as needing serious help. We went to their houses, cleaned, painted, got new mattresses, built bunk beds, and took each family out for an evening of fun. And with these families comes my restored faith in the Church.
Two families were without vehicles. We went to Westwinds Community Church (the church we went to Alissa when you were here) with this need and their youth group jumped aboard. We got one car donated but needed about $800 of work on it. The youth group raised $2000 for our families: fix their cars, help with insurance, tickets owed, registration, got them expense paid trips to Cedar Point and gave blankets, pillows and bedding. Wednesday night was the big reveal and I bawled my fricken eyes out. THE CHURCH FINALLY GOT IT!! Jesus was more concerned with caring for people's physical needs before he even touched on their spiritual needs!! And when the cars were given away, they didn't ruin it with Jesus crap, they just simply said: God loves you, and we love you, and we knew this was the right thing to do. Oh my gosh guys, it was beautiful. I love this church. I don't love everything about it, but they recycle, they build houses for widows in Uganda and South Africa, give cars and care for people in their backyard, care for the old people in the home across the street, and they LOVE each other. It makes me want to stay around here to invest in this church, but I gotta get the HELL out of this place. =)

Anyway, I had to share this with y'all, as I know many of you struggle with the Church, and I won't pretend I have it all figured and squared away--but on this Easter Sunday, I feel like people are beginning to act like Jesus.

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My roommate just left the room after pounding the table with all of his might and shouting a stream of obscenities at me.
I cant take this...

spring semesters are the worst

My life seems to be colapseing in.
I know that my sufferings are not even close to those of AIDS orphans, war widows or genocide victims. I know that my sufferings dont count for much in the eyes of the world. But, they count to me.
There is one friend of mine who was closer to me than anyone else has ever been. This friendship meant the world to me. But, then, two months ago, I found myself climbing the stairs to this friends room in order to tell my friend that we could no longer be friends. It has broken me beyond the capacity of words to describe. Ana kollo fadee. I am entirely empty. I cried frequently for the first month. Less frequently in the second. I had managed to go one week without crying when annother asked me, on the way back from the store, how things were going and, after I had expressed a general picture of things, I started sobbing right in the car. I have lost the one person that I have ever felt truly close to. It was necessary for the friendship to end. But that doesnt do anything to ease the pain.
One of my professors is in the hospital after a huge car accident. He likely wont come out of his coma for at least a few months.
The student body is getting pretty angry at me. I am trying to ask questions that pertain to our usage of entertainment, particularly cable TV. I get glares from complete strangers. People have written and said some pretty mean things about me. I get random snipes from the most random places.
My friends have been of some support, but for the most part, they dont really know how to handle me anymore and I dont know how to handle them.
Im getting behind in my homework.
Im going to have a minor surgery over spring break. It isnt dangerous at all, but it promises to have a very painful recovery period. Im nervious.
I have a wicked case of insomnia. Im on sleeping pills, but they arent doing much.
Im lonely and afraid. Im dying inside.
I just dont understand why God has put me here without any hope of an "end in sight." Im in agony. If my friend were still my friend, I would be able to handle everything else. Lakin mish mumkin...
Fein inta ya allah? Fein inta? Ana aarif inta hena... lakin fein? Ana baheb inta. Lakin ana kollo fadi. Ana aool alatool, "Hamdulillah" lakin ana mish aarif. Ana mish aarif...
Psalm 88:18 "You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend."

Ashraf's House

Just in case this didn't make it to your inbox...

Dear Friends -

We wanted to give you an update on our dear friend Ashraaf Helmi. As you may remember, Ashraaf is the facilities manager of the MESP properties in Cairo. On Tuesday, Ashraaf, with much fear and trembling, told David Holt and Dia’a Nashed that a major portion of his family dwelling, a simple mud structure in the south of Egypt, desperately needs reinforcement since construction by owners of an adjoining building wall has threatened his own home and family.

Ashraaf, who has never asked for money before, approached David and Dia’a with a request for assistance. Reinforcing his house will cost approximately $3,000. The Council for Christian Colleges & Universities (CCCU) has offered to contribute $2,000 towards the total cost. Although the Student Programs department of the CCCU has a policy of not requesting funds from alumni, we feel that this is a special circumstance. If you are interested in contributing towards the final goal of $3,000, we invite you to make contributions via PayPal.

We’ve set up an e-mail account (ashraafshouse@gmail.com) to receive contributions. In order to send money via PayPal you must have a PayPal account. Go to https://www.paypal.com/ to sign up and create a user name and password. Click “Sign Up” at the top of the page and follow the prompts. Once you’ve logged in, click “Send Money” on the upper left side of the page. Enter the e-mail address above (ashraafshouse@gmail.com), the amount, and currency. Select “Services/Goods” and then continue.

We’ll be capping donations after we reach a total of $1,000, and we will send you out an e-mail as soon as we reach that goal.

If you have concerns about the legitimacy of this request, feel free to e-mail Elizabeth Hanna (ehanna@cccu.org), Marketing and Alumni Specialist for Student Programs.

Sincerely,

The Student Programs Team

The Circle of Life

OK so it seems my life goes in strange circular patterns, like God is teaching me something, drawing me closer before I move forward.

Do you guys remember that there was this guy named Matt that I liked during MESP and then Micah told him about this, promptly causing him to avoid me for a semester? Funny story...we're now dating as of last Thursday. Other funny story, he's going home with me for spring break on Saturday. Life is weird...

In other news, my Egyptian friend here is hooking me up with the director of a school in Cairo where his Mom works and it sounds like I could work there if I wanted to. I'm trying to decide if I want to do that cause its a small school that isn't recognized by the Egyptian government, it mostly caters to missionary kids. I mean I don't really want to get tangled up with missionaries or sketchiness, and missionary kids can get kinda annoying, haha. But at the same time teaching there seems like a pretty sweet deal and I would be working with my friend's Mom, who is the arabic teacher and supposedly would teach me arabic for free (and probably take pretty good care of me).

So anyway, what do you guys think? Should I go for this more secure but also potentially more sketchy job? Or should I go for the part time English teaching, part time copy-editing idea?

Also, who is going to Cairo and when? I haven't bought my tickets yet, and now I'm thinking I might stick around in the states for the summer. Has anyone bought their's yet?

Argh I've realized I check out this blog when I'm procrastinating writing papers...which is the case right now...How does the letter A in the Scarlet Letter represent America? hmmm....