I wish I was someone else or somewhere else... preferably both. I have lost all direction in life, all purpose, all hope. I keep going simply because I cant think of anything better to do. The worst part is that I cant get away from myself. I can never get away. Im stuck being me... forever...
Life sucks.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Happenings
I have been up to some interesting stuff at Dordt in the last few weeks.
A week and a half ago, I walked up to the front of the chapel just before chapel began (but while people were almost all seated) and took down the flag and took it out of the chapel. That got some flak.
Then, yesterday, I wore a white shirt covered in red food coloring and played dead on the lawn in front of the classroom building for 3 hours during classes. I had some signs up calling on people to work for peace. It wasnt specific to the Iraq war, just war in general. I also got some flak for this, but also some encouragement. I covered my face with a hankerchief in order to make it as anonymous as possible. However, anyone familiar with my body type was able to recognize me at a glance. :)
Appartently, my demonstration helped start a little bit of dialogue. Ive been looking for ways to make this happen for years. It is strange that I am only learning that actions speak louder than words now, after all of these years. :)
Other than these things, my life is pretty much same old, same old. Some days, I am super glad to be back at Dordt. Other days, I wish that I had never seen the place. I go into these huge funks where I completely avoid people for hours (Im in one right now actually). Im aware of the sorts of things that trigger these "episodes" but I have no way of controling these triggers... unless I become a hermit or something like that. But, hermitage doesnt seem to be in my immediate future. For the next 8 months or so, I am destined to pretend to be normal/happy. Im actually getting pretty good at it. I should be an actor.
*sigh* When I see you guys, Im probably going to burst into tears. Im already tearing up now just thinking about it. I miss you all SO much. We will all just sit down in a room together, look at each other, smile and understand. Words wont be necessary. We will speak of course. But, words wont be what unites us again. Mutual understanding on a deapth that words cant reach will make smiles and hugs the order of the day. Ana baheb intoo ya habibeen.
Ma3salema
A week and a half ago, I walked up to the front of the chapel just before chapel began (but while people were almost all seated) and took down the flag and took it out of the chapel. That got some flak.
Then, yesterday, I wore a white shirt covered in red food coloring and played dead on the lawn in front of the classroom building for 3 hours during classes. I had some signs up calling on people to work for peace. It wasnt specific to the Iraq war, just war in general. I also got some flak for this, but also some encouragement. I covered my face with a hankerchief in order to make it as anonymous as possible. However, anyone familiar with my body type was able to recognize me at a glance. :)
Appartently, my demonstration helped start a little bit of dialogue. Ive been looking for ways to make this happen for years. It is strange that I am only learning that actions speak louder than words now, after all of these years. :)
Other than these things, my life is pretty much same old, same old. Some days, I am super glad to be back at Dordt. Other days, I wish that I had never seen the place. I go into these huge funks where I completely avoid people for hours (Im in one right now actually). Im aware of the sorts of things that trigger these "episodes" but I have no way of controling these triggers... unless I become a hermit or something like that. But, hermitage doesnt seem to be in my immediate future. For the next 8 months or so, I am destined to pretend to be normal/happy. Im actually getting pretty good at it. I should be an actor.
*sigh* When I see you guys, Im probably going to burst into tears. Im already tearing up now just thinking about it. I miss you all SO much. We will all just sit down in a room together, look at each other, smile and understand. Words wont be necessary. We will speak of course. But, words wont be what unites us again. Mutual understanding on a deapth that words cant reach will make smiles and hugs the order of the day. Ana baheb intoo ya habibeen.
Ma3salema
randomness
So I just had an interesting encounter.
I was sitting outside of a coffeeshop in downtown Grand Rapids talking to my good friend Alexis and eating some ice in a cup when this old white guy in a leather jacket comes up and says,
"Hi, first of all, my name is Stephen. I'm a Sunni Muslim. I speak Arabic and Spanish really well."
Me: I speak some Arabic.
Stephen: what do you speak?
Me: I speak some Egyptian arabic.
Stephen: What do you say?
Me: izzayak? Ana ismi Kirsten. (hehe, that's all I could think of)
Stephen: No, the first Surah of the Qur'an is.. (And he proceeds to recite the Qur'an for like a minute!)
I was pretty impressed I must say. So then he started asking for bus money and stuff and telling us he could tell we were in college and that Alexis wasn't American (her parents are Korean but she's from Guam, which is a U.S. territory, and therefore definitely American). Anyway, weird.
But then I started asking him about when he became a Muslim, evidently 12 years ago when he was in prison. I asked him how and he said, because I believe in Allah. He told us we should read the Qur'an and I was so happy I could tell him I'd read a lot of it.
Anyway, it was quite random, but it was kinda just like a sign or something, and made me so glad I had done MESP for yet another reason.
I miss you all!
I was sitting outside of a coffeeshop in downtown Grand Rapids talking to my good friend Alexis and eating some ice in a cup when this old white guy in a leather jacket comes up and says,
"Hi, first of all, my name is Stephen. I'm a Sunni Muslim. I speak Arabic and Spanish really well."
Me: I speak some Arabic.
Stephen: what do you speak?
Me: I speak some Egyptian arabic.
Stephen: What do you say?
Me: izzayak? Ana ismi Kirsten. (hehe, that's all I could think of)
Stephen: No, the first Surah of the Qur'an is.. (And he proceeds to recite the Qur'an for like a minute!)
I was pretty impressed I must say. So then he started asking for bus money and stuff and telling us he could tell we were in college and that Alexis wasn't American (her parents are Korean but she's from Guam, which is a U.S. territory, and therefore definitely American). Anyway, weird.
But then I started asking him about when he became a Muslim, evidently 12 years ago when he was in prison. I asked him how and he said, because I believe in Allah. He told us we should read the Qur'an and I was so happy I could tell him I'd read a lot of it.
Anyway, it was quite random, but it was kinda just like a sign or something, and made me so glad I had done MESP for yet another reason.
I miss you all!
Friday, September 21, 2007
Class Discussions...
I was sitting in my eclesiology class this morning when the discussion came to questions of whether infant baptism was important and if it meant you were elect from that point or not. Several people in the class were trying to draw lines...."well my friend was baptized but is now an aethiest, what about her?"
I just sat back and was amazed by how western our religion has become but also how meaningless it all is. One comment in support of adult baptizm was "well I don't remember how I felt when I was a baptized as a child" Now I'm not trying to start a debate or take sides it just struck me how much our Christianity has become about how we feel, how the music makes us feel, or how the pastor keeps our attention. I remember devotions one morning , I think it was Phil, who talked about the dangers of drawing lines and how our God is far too great for us to neatly pack him into our little boxes of reason.
Basically this class is trying to answer the question of What is the Church? It's been an interesting dialogue trying to figure it out but it's not possible.
I really wish I could have all you guys back in one spot so I could pick your brains.
There was so much wisdom in our group and I kick myself often for not taking full advantage of having you all in one bus for all those hours.
on a seperate note. You should all be proud of Micah...he has been doing some demonstrations on campus to try and raise discussion about the place for Patriotism in the Church and the general attitude towards war. I'll let him tell you what he has been doing, but you will be very proud.
I just sat back and was amazed by how western our religion has become but also how meaningless it all is. One comment in support of adult baptizm was "well I don't remember how I felt when I was a baptized as a child" Now I'm not trying to start a debate or take sides it just struck me how much our Christianity has become about how we feel, how the music makes us feel, or how the pastor keeps our attention. I remember devotions one morning , I think it was Phil, who talked about the dangers of drawing lines and how our God is far too great for us to neatly pack him into our little boxes of reason.
Basically this class is trying to answer the question of What is the Church? It's been an interesting dialogue trying to figure it out but it's not possible.
I really wish I could have all you guys back in one spot so I could pick your brains.
There was so much wisdom in our group and I kick myself often for not taking full advantage of having you all in one bus for all those hours.
on a seperate note. You should all be proud of Micah...he has been doing some demonstrations on campus to try and raise discussion about the place for Patriotism in the Church and the general attitude towards war. I'll let him tell you what he has been doing, but you will be very proud.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Craziness of life
Hey y'all,
I haven't looked at the blog in a while...so it was like a treat getting to read this great big cache of posts that I hadn't read yet. I miss all of you, and I'm getting more and more excited for October. Like Kirsten said, she's the only one who I've actually seen in the whole time since MESP...and I'm really jealous of all of you who get to keep hanging out with each other. The wedding is going to be awesome, and I'm super-psyched for the hookah reunion at Alissa's place that we've all been promised.
Umm, update from my end of things...things are really super busy for me now. This summer was really chill, with a fairly undemanding job and lots of reading and contemplating. I'm excited to hear that a lot of y'all are also reading about and thinking through pacifism. That was one of the big things I was thinking a lot about over the summer. I read a lot of essays by John Howard Yoder. I'm still...I don't know. When people ask me about it, I say that I'm "hovering around the edges" of pacifism. I would consider myself a pacifist for most intents and purposes, but I think that a commitment to nonviolence is something that you have to take really seriously, and I'm not willing to say that until I know that it's something I can remain totally committed to. There's lots of examples in history of people and organizations who made grand pacifistic statements but when the going got tough they gave it up for security (The Socialists of Europe before WWI for example). And I look at it in a similar way to what Becka was saying about Orthodoxy. Pacifism is something which really appeals to me, but violence-nonviolence isn't a game, and I don't want to jump into it now only to jump out again later.
Anyway, so that's where I am on that. Like I said, I'm super-busy right now...I've got kind of a supervisory position at my job, which means a little more money but a lot more time commitment...and I'm leading a student ministry, playing flag football, writing articles for the student newspaper, (hopefully) getting a part in the fall theater department show, and researching and writing an honors thesis...oh, I don't know if I've told all of you about this before. I'm writing on the history of the Christian Zionist lobby in the US and their effect on US foreign policy towards Israel. It's been really interesting so far, there's a lot of literature out there, but it is a LOT of work. There's a lot of different components to it, all of which I could write an entire honors thesis on, from the introduction of dispensationalism to the States, to the rise of the religious right, to the interplay between CZs and Likud, to Reagan and his semi-obsession with end-times stuff, there's just so much there...anyway, I'm having fun with it. Oh, and of course I still have classes, too. Yeah, those are also time-consuming. But fun...I'm taking Intermediate Arabic and I really like the new professor.
I don't know, I have a weird fluctuating combination of extreme senioritis, getting so stir-crazy and sick of this place that I want nothing more than to just pack up my car and drive...anywhere, really...and, at the same time, feeling so far from ready to be done here that graduating terrifies me. You know what I mean? I guess I just thought I would know a lot more by the time I was a senior, thought I would have a lot more life experience, be a lot more ready to go out and live life in the real world. Thought I would probably be engaged by this time too...but that's a whole other can of worms.
Anyway, I can't wait to hang out with all of y'all who'll be there in Seattle.
Peace,
Jon
I haven't looked at the blog in a while...so it was like a treat getting to read this great big cache of posts that I hadn't read yet. I miss all of you, and I'm getting more and more excited for October. Like Kirsten said, she's the only one who I've actually seen in the whole time since MESP...and I'm really jealous of all of you who get to keep hanging out with each other. The wedding is going to be awesome, and I'm super-psyched for the hookah reunion at Alissa's place that we've all been promised.
Umm, update from my end of things...things are really super busy for me now. This summer was really chill, with a fairly undemanding job and lots of reading and contemplating. I'm excited to hear that a lot of y'all are also reading about and thinking through pacifism. That was one of the big things I was thinking a lot about over the summer. I read a lot of essays by John Howard Yoder. I'm still...I don't know. When people ask me about it, I say that I'm "hovering around the edges" of pacifism. I would consider myself a pacifist for most intents and purposes, but I think that a commitment to nonviolence is something that you have to take really seriously, and I'm not willing to say that until I know that it's something I can remain totally committed to. There's lots of examples in history of people and organizations who made grand pacifistic statements but when the going got tough they gave it up for security (The Socialists of Europe before WWI for example). And I look at it in a similar way to what Becka was saying about Orthodoxy. Pacifism is something which really appeals to me, but violence-nonviolence isn't a game, and I don't want to jump into it now only to jump out again later.
Anyway, so that's where I am on that. Like I said, I'm super-busy right now...I've got kind of a supervisory position at my job, which means a little more money but a lot more time commitment...and I'm leading a student ministry, playing flag football, writing articles for the student newspaper, (hopefully) getting a part in the fall theater department show, and researching and writing an honors thesis...oh, I don't know if I've told all of you about this before. I'm writing on the history of the Christian Zionist lobby in the US and their effect on US foreign policy towards Israel. It's been really interesting so far, there's a lot of literature out there, but it is a LOT of work. There's a lot of different components to it, all of which I could write an entire honors thesis on, from the introduction of dispensationalism to the States, to the rise of the religious right, to the interplay between CZs and Likud, to Reagan and his semi-obsession with end-times stuff, there's just so much there...anyway, I'm having fun with it. Oh, and of course I still have classes, too. Yeah, those are also time-consuming. But fun...I'm taking Intermediate Arabic and I really like the new professor.
I don't know, I have a weird fluctuating combination of extreme senioritis, getting so stir-crazy and sick of this place that I want nothing more than to just pack up my car and drive...anywhere, really...and, at the same time, feeling so far from ready to be done here that graduating terrifies me. You know what I mean? I guess I just thought I would know a lot more by the time I was a senior, thought I would have a lot more life experience, be a lot more ready to go out and live life in the real world. Thought I would probably be engaged by this time too...but that's a whole other can of worms.
Anyway, I can't wait to hang out with all of y'all who'll be there in Seattle.
Peace,
Jon
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Pacifism
Micah, I think I might be joining you in your reach toward pacifism. Over the last few weeks and maybe even months, I feel like I've been drawn toward the extreme end of peace. I have been investigating the Christian Peacemaking Teams (which I recommend also investigating), talking with my friend Stephen, reading books and discussing war and peace with a few of my friends here. (Actually, a side note, I was at my leadership training before school started and a sophomore boy started asking me questions--we have a somewhat long history of bumping heads, and I told him what I thought about peace, Iraq, the Middle East, life and he ended up asking me out on a date that next weekend--so there you go girls: truly appall some boy and he'll ask you on a date) I feel so drawn toward peace, like it's just sweltering inside of me, does that make sense?
I read Tony Campolo's Letters to a Young Evangelical (which I also recommend) and I came across the letter titled, "Blessed are the Peacemakers." It was amazing. He could articulate what my soul has been longing to say since being in Egypt. Nonviolence, as a whole seems not only the most biblical but the most humanitarian. As an assignment for a modern social problems class, I got to read Martin Luther King Jr's Letter from Birmingham Jail, and it was also amazing. It may have just become one of my favorite pieces of literature. Non-violence can achieve so much, why do we resolve to go to war so often?
I just wanted to let you all in on that little piece of my heart and my life recently. I'm missing Egypt so badlt this week; it was so hard and so easy at the same time. There's a lot going in my life, my brother(the twin) might go to jail, my parents might declare bankruptcy, my mom might lose her job, and I'm trying to settle into this new year and get into the groove, but I'm trying to cope. Actually a super cool thing that happened is my twin also told me he started reading the Bible and wanted me to find him a Bible he could better understand (he started with the KJV).
So if prayer means anything to any of you, pray for me, pray for my brother, for my family, and pray for peace.
I read Tony Campolo's Letters to a Young Evangelical (which I also recommend) and I came across the letter titled, "Blessed are the Peacemakers." It was amazing. He could articulate what my soul has been longing to say since being in Egypt. Nonviolence, as a whole seems not only the most biblical but the most humanitarian. As an assignment for a modern social problems class, I got to read Martin Luther King Jr's Letter from Birmingham Jail, and it was also amazing. It may have just become one of my favorite pieces of literature. Non-violence can achieve so much, why do we resolve to go to war so often?
I just wanted to let you all in on that little piece of my heart and my life recently. I'm missing Egypt so badlt this week; it was so hard and so easy at the same time. There's a lot going in my life, my brother(the twin) might go to jail, my parents might declare bankruptcy, my mom might lose her job, and I'm trying to settle into this new year and get into the groove, but I'm trying to cope. Actually a super cool thing that happened is my twin also told me he started reading the Bible and wanted me to find him a Bible he could better understand (he started with the KJV).
So if prayer means anything to any of you, pray for me, pray for my brother, for my family, and pray for peace.
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Update and some thoughts
Well, Im back at Dordt. It is going all right. I have my ups and downs of course.
The good thing is that I have had some wonderful opportunities to talk to professors about things that confuse me. That is super.
One of the things that I have been thinking about a lot is the notion of Children of Empire. I talked with Dr. Jorieman (a wheaton poli-sci prof) about this. She pointed out that the fact that I am from an empire does not make my words any less true. She also pointed out that people who are actually living in Palestine (Chacour and Gershom Gorrenberg) are preaching peace as well. "Children of Empire" as a concept is wonderful when it acts as a caution to people going to the Middle East. It is true that we are from an empire and that MOST of our fighting has been done for us. Nevertheless, that does not make our words and our passion for peace any less true. What it DOES mean is that we have to be very very careful. Maybe you all arrived at this conclusion a long time ago... I didnt. I process things pretty slowly... Oh well, mafiish mushkilla.
Annother thing that I have been thinking about a lot is pacifism. I really really really want to be a pacifist. I just dont think that I can. I have had several long talks with Dordt profs. I am no where near a conclusion, but I feel like I am making progress. Good stuff.
Oh, and I was just at the all campus retreat for Dordt. At one point in the retreat, Emily and I got up to do Matt Gruel's song that he sang in Siwa. It was the Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut, Kentucky Fried Chicken... song. We then did the Star Wars version and finally, the mixture.
Here are some pics. Oh, and Matt, we gave credit where credit was due. :)
Here is to you and your knobbly knees. :)
Kentucky Skywalker
Mc Vader
The good thing is that I have had some wonderful opportunities to talk to professors about things that confuse me. That is super.
One of the things that I have been thinking about a lot is the notion of Children of Empire. I talked with Dr. Jorieman (a wheaton poli-sci prof) about this. She pointed out that the fact that I am from an empire does not make my words any less true. She also pointed out that people who are actually living in Palestine (Chacour and Gershom Gorrenberg) are preaching peace as well. "Children of Empire" as a concept is wonderful when it acts as a caution to people going to the Middle East. It is true that we are from an empire and that MOST of our fighting has been done for us. Nevertheless, that does not make our words and our passion for peace any less true. What it DOES mean is that we have to be very very careful. Maybe you all arrived at this conclusion a long time ago... I didnt. I process things pretty slowly... Oh well, mafiish mushkilla.
Annother thing that I have been thinking about a lot is pacifism. I really really really want to be a pacifist. I just dont think that I can. I have had several long talks with Dordt profs. I am no where near a conclusion, but I feel like I am making progress. Good stuff.
Oh, and I was just at the all campus retreat for Dordt. At one point in the retreat, Emily and I got up to do Matt Gruel's song that he sang in Siwa. It was the Pizza Hut, Pizza Hut, Kentucky Fried Chicken... song. We then did the Star Wars version and finally, the mixture.
Here are some pics. Oh, and Matt, we gave credit where credit was due. :)
Here is to you and your knobbly knees. :)
Kentucky Skywalker
Mc Vader
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)