spring semesters are the worst

My life seems to be colapseing in.
I know that my sufferings are not even close to those of AIDS orphans, war widows or genocide victims. I know that my sufferings dont count for much in the eyes of the world. But, they count to me.
There is one friend of mine who was closer to me than anyone else has ever been. This friendship meant the world to me. But, then, two months ago, I found myself climbing the stairs to this friends room in order to tell my friend that we could no longer be friends. It has broken me beyond the capacity of words to describe. Ana kollo fadee. I am entirely empty. I cried frequently for the first month. Less frequently in the second. I had managed to go one week without crying when annother asked me, on the way back from the store, how things were going and, after I had expressed a general picture of things, I started sobbing right in the car. I have lost the one person that I have ever felt truly close to. It was necessary for the friendship to end. But that doesnt do anything to ease the pain.
One of my professors is in the hospital after a huge car accident. He likely wont come out of his coma for at least a few months.
The student body is getting pretty angry at me. I am trying to ask questions that pertain to our usage of entertainment, particularly cable TV. I get glares from complete strangers. People have written and said some pretty mean things about me. I get random snipes from the most random places.
My friends have been of some support, but for the most part, they dont really know how to handle me anymore and I dont know how to handle them.
Im getting behind in my homework.
Im going to have a minor surgery over spring break. It isnt dangerous at all, but it promises to have a very painful recovery period. Im nervious.
I have a wicked case of insomnia. Im on sleeping pills, but they arent doing much.
Im lonely and afraid. Im dying inside.
I just dont understand why God has put me here without any hope of an "end in sight." Im in agony. If my friend were still my friend, I would be able to handle everything else. Lakin mish mumkin...
Fein inta ya allah? Fein inta? Ana aarif inta hena... lakin fein? Ana baheb inta. Lakin ana kollo fadi. Ana aool alatool, "Hamdulillah" lakin ana mish aarif. Ana mish aarif...
Psalm 88:18 "You have taken my companions and loved ones from me; the darkness is my closest friend."