Thoughts

I wore my galabeya again today. There was a costume party of sorts. When I walked into the room, one guy said, "Here is Jesus." Then a girl said, "Are you supposed to be a terrorist?" I replied in the negative to both. Later, when I was walking to my apartment, a guy on a huge snow drift (here, the snow drifts reach epic proportions, in this case, nearly 20 feet) shouted at me, "Jihad, jihad." I turned around and shouted "Peace, Peace!!!" (I just finished reading Blood Brothers)

Life has been tough for me recently. There is too much to discus here. I spent an hour talking to a counselor at my school and I only managed to get around to half of the things on my mind (and I was talking pretty fast). Talking to the counselor was really good for me. He helped me put all of my frustration into perspective. He felt that most of my problems stemmed from the fact that I am angry with God, that I am wrestling with him. There is something that sounds "noble" about wrestling with God. It has connotations of sincerity and genuine faith. You all are probably going through this right now, so I am probably preaching to the choir, but let me tell you, wrestling with God doesn’t make you feel "noble" or "genuine" at all. It makes you feel hollow and empty (except for tears). The counselor that I spoke to recommended that I read through the Psalms. In the Psalms, David gets angry at God. He really lets God have it. So, as if for the first time, I have begun to actually read the Psalms. The words seem as though they are coming from my own mouth. If you get angry at God, I recommend reading a Psalm. Sure, reading it wont solve anything, but it will help you recognize that others have wrestled with God too. Others have wanted to scream at him (and some have).

By reading the Psalms, my problems haven't gone away or anything. I’m still just as messed up. But, I now have some purpose in this meaninglessness. I will continue to wrestle with God. I will keep questioning him. I will hold on tight to him. I won’t let go until he gives me a blessing. I just hope that he won’t wrench my hip in the process. :)
Grace and Peace
Micah