Memorial Day

I and my parents attneded a memorial day parade and then a sort of memorial service in the local cemetary. Something like 25 men from my county have died overseas since 2001. I wasnt sure how to feel. The speaker definitely tied Memorial day in with the War in Iraq. He seemed to think that the two went hand in hand, supporting the war and supporting troops. But, that asside, I wasnt sure how to feel about the armed forces in general. I am very close to being a pacifist. What should my response be to those who, against the principles that I want to strive for, die for me. The speaker said that these men had fought for me and died for me. Well, a large number of them had also killed for me. Can I reap the benefits of their death while denying any repsonsibility for the consequences of their less glamorous actions? I want to remember men and women who were good, men and women who made the world a better place. Can you blame me for not being exactly gung-ho about applauding men who died for no other reason than that they died?
I talked to some friends of mine who are Menonite and asked them about their thoughts on Memorial Day. They have been pacifists their whole lives, maybe they had some insight. They sort of split things up. They very much want to remember the dead. One even participates in Civil War re-enactments.
I dont know what to think. And, the problem is that I dont have anyone to talk to. I tried talking to my parents, but they werent any help. Somehow, we got onto the issue of torture. My mom actually supports the use of torture! If I cant convince my parents that torture is bad, how can I even begin to talk about pacifism?
In the end, when it comes to the troops, I want to be grateful. I want to thank the people who died to make my life better. The men who died in the Civil War, WWI, WWII, etc. did indeed make my life much better. But, yet again, Im not sure how to live with my pacifist tendencies without splitting the consequences from the benefits. (something that I do not think can be done) Maybe I will be forced to conclude that pacifism is a pipe-dream, a vision of the way that the world should be, not a practical political ideology. Maybe...
Oh, and one more thing. Talking with my parents did change one thing, I am now questioning the use of torture. I was very strongly against its use in all shapes and forms and in all circumstances. However, I am not absolutely sure of that anymore. What is there were an extreme situation where 1 million people could be saved through torture. One week ago, I would have said, "Never use torture, EVER!!!" Now, I am less sure. It is 1 million people after all...
Any thoughts?
I was reading my journal a few days ago. It was pretty detailed. I also have been looking through some pictures. I miss you all SO much: the conversations, the smiles, the fellowship, the arguments, everything. It is almost too much to bear. Keep in touch, I hope to see some of you at Julia's Wedding. : )
Peace my friends, Peace

"Life is in boxes in the back of our car, driving around with dreams in a jar...."

I just looked at a picture of flat five--not the people mind you--just the flat itself. I'm not going to lie it brought a bit of a choke to my throat. Life in the States is just so different isn't it? We worry about whether or not our heels are high enough to be professional and not slutty enough to warrant a hitting on by the new guys we meet--or at least I did as I tried to pick out dress shoes today. In Egypt I worried that I was dressing modestly, or that I would accidently wave at Kareema with my left hand. I'd much rather worry about those things. In short, I miss Egypt, you all and being stretched in a way that means something. America seems so complacent to me right now.

Tomorrow after I get out of work I'm hitting the road. I'm finishing packing for a summer spent in an office learning about the inner workings of a FB-NGO. O Lordy, be with my soul. I'm ready to get out of this place and I guess you could say I'm ready to be there--I guess. I'm ready for a change, for something to shake my life up. I want the burning desire to pick up my Bible, or mean the songs I'm singing in worship. I want to learn something impactful and meaningful about God from someone and something. I'm in depserate need of some radical change. Enough complacency--the time is now to move. Tomorrow I'm beginning a move I guess--Phoenix, here I come. That was said kind of lame wasn't it? People keep asking me if I'm excited and I tell them truthfully not really. I'm just steady and ready. I wish I could breakdown like I did in Amman (whoa, remember that one guys!? ha). But I don't even know what I would cry about. I'm not upset, I'm not excited, I just AM. That's all. Maybe heading cross country and entering into a region unfamiliar to me is what I need. I'm just restless.

I love you guys and miss you more than ya'll miss Naema! =)

So... you're covenant breakers AND bean game liars (well, the girls anyway). (Know that I'm writing that with a smile on my face). Yes, it was an interesting semester, but interesting doesn't mean "bad", just more full of, well, I guess I would say "drama", than your semester. Perhaps one day I'll fill you in on Dave's "creative response" (as one of you called it), but for now I'm just too tired.

I went to Lebanon a few weeks ago with Jenna and one of this past semester's students and I will remain forever grateful that I got the opportunity to go, especially as the current violence in Tripoli and Beirut broke out about two weeks after I arrived back in Cairo (I stayed longer than Jenna). I made it to most ends of the country, visited with one of the Parliamentary members of Hezbollah at the Hezbollah headquarters in South Beirut, got a tour of the destruction from this past summer's war from the same guy, visited the aforementioned guy's house and met his wife and other family members, walked through Sabra and Shatila, went south to Quana and Tyre and Sidon, went west to Baalbek (a Hezbollah stronghold), went North to the Quadisha valley - the home of the Maronites (where I stayed with a Maronite family for a few days), went east to Tripoli and took a very unstable fishing boat to a random island (we had to jump off and swim to reach the shore), walked through the civil war destruction in Beirut and the Opposition's tents downtown, and generally tried to absorb the many different complexities of such a tiny country.

Last week I saw Steve and Anna, on their way through Cairo, headed for the States. It was a brief visit, but it was good to see them again. Steve in particular enjoyed our dinner with the CCCU professors (especially the "liberal" one. Steve, did you know he was also a member of the socialist party? Very risque...). For the past week I was back in Jerusalem, helping Dave with the CCCU faculty tour and hanging out with faculty from CCCU schools, and I return to Canada in a week and a half. Plans for next year are still working themselves out, but I'll let you know what happens. I don't really know how I feel about my time at MESP being over, because it doesn't quite feel like it's finished yet, but that's all part of the process of ending. In general I feel like I'm getting very good at saying "good-bye", which isn't necessarily something I wanted to get used to. However, that seems to be the nature of life at the point I'm at, especially living in this very "temporary" world of ex-pats.

I hope you're all well, and enjoying the endless fun of summer jobs. Congratulations to those who have graduated, and keep us updated on your futures! Know that I miss you all, and hope to run into you somewhere, and somehow.

Until then,

Dena

traveling without u...sucks

hey guys I'm going to Ireland tomorrow. I've been home in California for awhile now and basically I miss u lots. Its become almost painful to reminisce too much. Like I've gotten to a point finally where listening to my arabic music doesn't make me anything but sad and depressed that my memories are already starting to fade.

So here's a little update. Something u might really not be interested in, but perhaps are. That dude that you heard about last semester and I had an awkward situation with (involving Micah) this semester finally wrote me saying he was sorry he'd neglected our friendship and he wants to make it up to me. So that's a positive. On the other hand, the Egyptian guy I now have a huge crush on kinda started acting like a jerk right before he left for the summer, so that kinda sucks.

Now I ask for your prayers for mentally surviving two weeks straight of high stress with my family. Family vacations tend to be pretty much emotional and mental hell. WE all love to travel and yet our family when together creates stress out of thin air, therefore when anything remotely stressful comes up there tends to be a lot of feelings hurt and misery and insanity. So ya prayers would deffinitely be appreciated, especially for me and my mom and our relationship which always seems to take one step forward and 10 steps back.

Guys, I feel like I have no idea what's going on in peoples' lives anymore. I would appreciate updates. I like the random stuff about arabic translators and other MESPers and that kind of info, but I really want to know what you all are doing. Email me if u'd rather.

Check out what Iraqi translators get paid:

Arabic Linguist up to $176,000/yr

I came across your resume on the internet and we currently have an Arabic Linguist position available overseas that your qualifications indicate you may be suited for. I've listed the details of the position below and compensation for a one year contract ranges from $144,820-$176,000/yr.

Requirements:
--Must be a U.S. citizen fluent in Modern Standard Arabic or a Green Card holder fluent in the Iraqi dialect
-- Must be willing to obtain a security clearance
-- Must be proficient in reading, writing, listening and speaking in Arabic and English
-- Must be willing to travel overseas, in this case, Iraq

Duties:
--Provide operational contract linguist support to U.S. Army operations in Iraq
-- Provide general linguistic support for military operations and interpret during interviews, meetings, and conferences
-- Interpret and translate written and spoken communications
-- Transcribe and analyze communications
-- Perform document exploitation
-- Scan, research, and analyze foreign language documents for key information
-- Translate foreign language documents
-- Identify and extract information components meeting military information requirements
-- Provide input to reports

Vacation/Leave:
--10 days after 6 months of service (20 days after 1 year of service)

Benefits Package (Global Benefits):
--Complete Health Care Package for family
-- 401k Retirement Plan

Recovering Heretic

Hey--
So a friend of mine works for our campus newspaper and was writing a piece on students' personal religious experiences while studying abroad. She talked to Heidi and I about our time on MESP. You can see the article here:
http://www.thefalcononline.com/story/6046

Alissa

Time to Fess it up!

Ok, I've been talking with my friend Stephen who just completed the Spring Mesp and apparently his group were covenant breakers to the EXTREME!! One guy had like 13 hickies on his neck one night in Jerusalem, among many other offenses....

So here's the deal: Fess up your Covenant Breaking because we want to know!!!

Christian Fundamentalism

Before I went on MESP, the one thing I wanted to fight against above all others was Zionism. I hated it, but now I do not see it as the biggest threat. No, no, no. I have changed my mind. I believe Christian fundamentalism is the biggest threat to all of is. When I read the blog, I do not see people asking inappropriate questions or questions that seem to be uncommon to those who are believers, but they are questions that fundamentalists cannot bear to hear.

I do not know how many of you all know what I believe, in fact I don't think I know what I believe. I am okay with that. Do I struggle with it, and does it hurt me at times? OF COURSE! But I am only twenty one years old, and therefore I sure as hell better not know what I believe, because if I do what is the point for the next how ever many years of my life that I have left. I do know I believe in several things. There is no God but God. Jesus saves. Beyond that. Ya, got me. When I was little I questioned if Jesus was the Savior, because what said that He was? Well, The Bible. Who wrote the Bible? People....Christian People. It wasn't until high school and college that I learned Jesus was the irrefutable Savior, and I did not learn that from any book. Instead, I experienced it. (Spiritual Warfare....no fun...avoid it at all costs ek!). Anyways, it was after that event, that I what I read became real to me. Do I still question it ofcourse!

From what I have understood Christians have always considered scripture as divine inspiration...right?! Then how did Scripture become the Word of God?! The last I checked the only Word of God was Christ (John:1)! Also, since when did we start worshiping the book instead of the Jesus?! Since when did we put Paul's words of advice (which he himself even at times say is only from him and not from God) above those of Jesus? Come on feminists in the world! You cannot read Paul and tell me you are completely okay with everything he says! Jesus put women and men equal to each other, and Paul slapped us back down again! (Which poor little man, if you know his history you can understand why he'd be biased).

That is what is wrong with Christianity today. Micah, I would tell that pastor that if worships a religion that is based around himself. We are selfish beings that is what most of us do. I would say Christianity is a man made religion. It is not based on Christ! NO. It is based on laws that we have formed! I believe that humanity cannot handle the freedom that Christ has given us! Therefore, we try to chain ourselves down again in religion! Does this mean that we are free to do whatever?! NO. We have all learned that freedom comes with responsibility, but that does not mean we re-chain ourselves! The laws that Christian fundamentalists have made for themselves have almost no Biblical bases to begin with! They are assuredly not from Christ! That's how I thought we were supposed to judge things was to see if it was of Christ or not! That is the problem with the oppression of women! Wherever Christ is missing there will oppression of women (which is pretty much...hum..well everywhere).Look at the South! Christianity is everywhere! I hear it being preached all the time, but when was the last time I heard Christ being preached?! HUH! Now, Christ has some radical teachings. Which is why no one wants to talk about it, but I believe its deeper than that. When Christ is taken out of the picture darkness sets in. Satan steps into the picture.

All of this is to say. Question Scripture. Question others. Question yourself. Look to Jesus. No one else has the answers. How do you look to Jesus? Good question. I often do it by just talking, screaming crying, and then He makes Himself apparent to me. I don't know how He will develop a relationship with others. That's what it is about. In the end, it's not about the book or this or that. It's about the relationship. If you have a relationship with someone that is strong, then you will follow them to the ends of the Earth...right? Isn't that what we are supposed to do?
So to all of the Christian Fundamentalists out there, shove it where the sun don't shine! I don't want it! Keep your excess baggage and annoying antidotes, I will settle for Jesus.

(Okay, wrapping up the ranting...thanks guys...almost done). All of this to say is, yes look at the Scripture, but the Scriptures are not it. Jesus is it. Look to Jesus. Let Him be your truth. Then you will not be creating your own truth. Jesus will be teaching you what truth is. That's what it's all about.

Also, I thought you guys might find this interesting....I've been talking to a professor about salvation, and he described it in away I really liked, understood and I find to be more Scripturally correct. Okay...this might shake some ppl....Jesus is not the only way to obtain Salvation (story about the sheep and goats...right?) Instead, think of Salvation as an umbrella over people. Then within the umbrella there are different levels. These levels represent ones ability to become close, or one, with God. Different religions will take a person to different levels, but one can never actually become one with God or "know the Father" without Christ. Interesting eh? I'm sure some or most of you have already heard this/know it, but I thought it was nifty. I figured I'd share it with you all.

Anyways...those are just a few of the reasons I am against Christian Fundamentalism...I know it's not very clear. I'm still formulating/processing, but I am already fighting! hehe. If I get kicked out of my school you all know why! hehe.

tory in MN

So last night I had the wonderful expereince of seeing Tory, and Abbie too. We went to an egyptian resturant and go shwarma and fool (which was not good) and falafel and hummus and babaganu and lentil soup. We spent most of our time eavsdropping on a very opinionated family in the booth next to us. Fun fact that I learned from them: "Did you know taht in Comunist Russia the average woman had 7 abortions? that does not make a woman a happy person." They were pretty entertaining, but it made me ask myself, "where the heck do these people come from?"
So then after food, we went to my house to watch House and I got to use my Turkish Tea set, which was pretty exciting for me since it was the first time i had taken it out. We would have had some shisha but its outlawed in my house, yaxsarah, I know
So, if any of you decide to visit me and Abbie in the Twin Cities, you can expect the same treatment
But, it was fun for Abbie and I to see Tory, and it made me miss you all even more, and the sheik shop guy....
good luck with finals for those of you who aren't done yet, and i miss you all
Anna

and its almost over...

so since I have to finish a paper, I instead was looking at every single one of my facebook photo albums from last semester. I started tearing up in the middle of johnny's (our cafe/student union thing). I miss you guys all so much, and I miss the middle east so much. I'm so sick of how ridiculously protected and devoid of adventures my life here is. I'm sick of things that people say and the way people do things and the way that everyone expects that they'll be safe and in control of everything and have to be so flippin perfect at everything, etc.

I went to lebanese food with a couple friends tonight, I got schwerma and it was nothing like what we had, but pretty good. We had falafel sandwiches for appetizer too, and those were more like what I was used to. But then that just made me sad too.

I'm in my last couple days of finals. As I told you all, I'm basically in love with someone ok maybe that's a bit of an exageration. As only a couple of you know, and now all of you, he's Egyptian, and he's going to Boston to work and then home to Cairo for the summer. Sucks cause he's a friend too and one of the few people that seems to understand me (we can talk about Egypt and Shakespeare and family and religion, anything). So basically I'm kinda wallowing in self-pity because the year's coming to an end and I'm not ready (for several reasons, not just aforementioned one) and I'm still writing this freakin paper (Phil and I both have to write a 15-20 page paper on a subject in classical literature, although he fooled me today into thinking his was already 20 pages single spaced, argh!)

I'm going home for a week where I'll get to see very few of my highschool friends and then I'm going to Ireland with my family for two weeks to discover my heritage. haha. That's a load of crap. Molly, if you read this, do you have any tips/stupid things I can try to dissuade my mom from seeing?

So anyway, this summer I think I'll be in Chicago for sure probably a few times, most likely in Boston at the end of august helping my brother move in (not stalking this dude, as some people have insinuated, he's not even gonna be there) and perhaps in Washington D.C. Anybody with me for any of those? I seem to recall Micah will be in Chicago, Jon in Boston, and Phil in D.C., anyone else gonna be around there?

luv u all. I think its crazy some of you are gradumatated and freakin getting married! David, u would go on a random road trip to Georgia, I wish I could've gone.

Roadtrip TX to GA and back

Well I'm back in Texas and decided I needed to take a roadtrip. So... I'm going from Texas to Georgia this weekend to help a friend move and if you want me to stop by and say hi along the way send me an email.

Cheers.

Questions and Faith

Like Jon, I have been thinking about dropping out of school… or transferring... both look appealing at times. I don’t have the guts to do it though. It would be too much work... WAY too much work.

In othe news, a number of things have been pouring through my head the past few days. The stress of school and exams and other stuff kept me from focusing all my attention on MESP stuff... but now that I have time...

I visited a new church today. It was pretty conservative. In the sermon, the pastor talked about questions and questioning. He mentioned that many schools avoid transferring perspective and worldview directly. Rather, the professors at those schools tell the students to question everything and then form their own worldview. The pastor did not like this at all: "Those professors claim that they are not teaching a ideology, but they really are. Those professors are teaching that it is all right to question everything! This is an ideology that places the individual at the center of the universe and gives him/her the power to decide what is truth." (the quote isn’t exact, but it catches the gist)

He is right... partly. The fact that I question God is a form of idolatry that puts me in God's place. I talked to the pastor after church and asked him where we should draw the lines between proper questioning and improper questioning. He drew the line at scripture. Scripture is our guide. I asked him about times where scripture itself questions God (Psalm 77 and 88, Lamentations and Jeremiah are pretty good examples among many others) His answer involved something to the effect of David in the Psalms recognizing that his questioning was fruitless... which is also kind of true.

I heard a term a few days ago from a professor that described this whole process of questioning. He called it "mental masturbation." It feels really good but it doesn’t get you anywhere. This prof did not advocate such a view, but he had heard a friend use it and thought that it was funny...

I made it back to my home church for the evening service. My dad preached about faith. It was a really good sermon except for the fact that I had to fight back tears a large part of the time. The problem is that Im not sure that I have faith of the sort that he talked about. Recently, I have been struggling with the authority of scripture. How do we know Jesus was God? The scripture. How do we know that the scripture is true? Well, you can take Apostolic succession some of the way, but you eventually have to take a leap of faith and assume that God inspired Paul, Luke, Peter, James, Matthew and all the rest. Can I base my entire life on that assumption? The counter question to that is: "Is my life mine and do I have the authority to base it on anything other than Christ?"

A song that we sang in church today after the sermon had some comfort in it.
It went:
Faith begins by letting go,
giving up what had seemed sure,
taking risks and pressing on,
though the way feels less secure:
pilgrimage both right and odd,
trusting all our life to God.

Peace

Tat

Check it out! I'm pumped. The Arabic words (which I triple checked with Diaa and Nesma) are truth (haqq), joy (farah), and courage (shaga3a). I'm going to go back and get a little more shading done in the flowery part, but it's basically all set. What!?

ROAD TRIP!

Mandy Here...

Hey gang! Only three more exams for me and then summer--YEAH/BOO! However, one thing I am SUPER excited about is this summer and more importantly the road trip to and from Phoenix! My mom and I decided to drive down--whoa, I know. So we're leaving June 1st and arriving June 3rd at some point. More importantly (again), I am roadtripping back--by myself! YEAH! It will be Mandy-discovers-America. I was wondering if anyone wanted me to stop along the way--or even a bit out of the way or if anyone wanted to tag along for part or all!?!! This could be the greatest trek across the country! YEAH! Or I will meander my way from house to house and see things like the biggest ball of yarn! Either way, I'm excited!

Much love out there

Graduated

So I'm done with college now, I finished my thesis, my exams, everything, whoa; I graduated yesterday. Good times.

the naivete of those who do not know arabic...

SO my brother posted this on his blog about Turkey as the longest word he had ever seen... I had to inform him that it is actually multiple words when written in its native Arabic... stupid people who don't know Arabic....

It's about time

I finally figured out my password to this blog thing, very exciting. Although now that I finally have access to the blog, I don't have anything new or exciting to share. Life is swell, I don't know if I have adjusted back to life at school or I have just come to live with the frustrations of day to day life in America. I know Jon is going to the Sojourners gathering in D.C.
but if anyone is going the Bread for the World gathering the following weekend, I will be there and would love to see you. It's June 9-12.
I miss you guys, know that you are each in my thoughts and prayers.
Now that I know my password I'll try to comment on the blog more.
peace!

One more thing

It is entirely possible that God simply wants me to put my hope in Him, rather than in the things of this world. In fact, that is probably what is going on. But, does He really have to deprive me of every earthly hope? Is that necessary? The goal would be to have me put complete hope in him and Him alone. This isnt possible. Im only human. Im not just a spiritual being. I am a complete human being with emotional needs, aesthetic needs, social needs, sexual needs, economic needs, the whole kit and kaboodle. I was designed by the great designer himself to have these needs. What is He getting at?

High Hopes, He's Got High Hopes...

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us." Romans 5:3-5

I’m not sure if I buy it anymore: this whole hope business. My hope has disappointed me many times. In fact, that seems to be all that hope is good for. I have always had my head in the clouds. I have always been able to see the bright side. Now I just don’t feel like it anymore. The problem with hope is that it gives you high expectations. You set high goals and you strive for them. Then, you fall short and get nothing but disappointment as you plummet to the earth... and its a long way down.

The Stoics of Ancient times had a very straightforward way of dealing with this. They said that the source of all sorrow is unmet expectations. Thus, the secret to avoiding sorrow is to not have any expectations. In other words, the key to avoiding suffering is to give up hope. This entire semester has been a series of painful experiences, one after the other. According to Romans, I should be at the pinnacle of hopefulness, or at least a little more hopeful. Yet, I have never been more devoid of hope in my life. What? Do I just need to be more patient? Will God finally answer me if I cry myself to sleep one more time?

Oh God Where Are You Now (a song by Sufjan Stevens)
Oh God, hold me now
Oh Lord, hold me now
There's no other man who could raise the dead
So do what you can to anoint my head

Oh God, where are you now?
Oh Lord, say somehow
The devil is hard on my face again
The world is a hundred to one again

Would the righteous still remain?
Would my body stay the same?

Oh God, hold me now
Oh God, touch me now
There's no other man who could save the dead
There's no other God to place our head

Would the righteous still remain?
Would my body stay the same?

There's no other man who could raise the dead
So do what you can to anoint my head

Oh God, hold me now
Oh Lord, touch me now