"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us." Romans 5:3-5
I’m not sure if I buy it anymore: this whole hope business. My hope has disappointed me many times. In fact, that seems to be all that hope is good for. I have always had my head in the clouds. I have always been able to see the bright side. Now I just don’t feel like it anymore. The problem with hope is that it gives you high expectations. You set high goals and you strive for them. Then, you fall short and get nothing but disappointment as you plummet to the earth... and its a long way down.
The Stoics of Ancient times had a very straightforward way of dealing with this. They said that the source of all sorrow is unmet expectations. Thus, the secret to avoiding sorrow is to not have any expectations. In other words, the key to avoiding suffering is to give up hope. This entire semester has been a series of painful experiences, one after the other. According to Romans, I should be at the pinnacle of hopefulness, or at least a little more hopeful. Yet, I have never been more devoid of hope in my life. What? Do I just need to be more patient? Will God finally answer me if I cry myself to sleep one more time?
Oh God Where Are You Now (a song by Sufjan Stevens)
Oh God, hold me now
Oh Lord, hold me now
There's no other man who could raise the dead
So do what you can to anoint my head
Oh God, where are you now?
Oh Lord, say somehow
The devil is hard on my face again
The world is a hundred to one again
Would the righteous still remain?
Would my body stay the same?
Oh God, hold me now
Oh God, touch me now
There's no other man who could save the dead
There's no other God to place our head
Would the righteous still remain?
Would my body stay the same?
There's no other man who could raise the dead
So do what you can to anoint my head
Oh God, hold me now
Oh Lord, touch me now
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1 comment:
Hey Micah - I don't really have any good advice or anything to give you about the place you are in your life right now. There are a lot of cliche sayings that just don't cut it. But I just wanted you to know that I think you are a brave man to be so honest about where you are at. Just know that I care about you and love you, and so do the rest of the MESPers. It's probably not that comforting to know, but I have been through similar situations - if God is who he says he is, he can see you through this Micah, although it won't be painless, easy, or quick. We love you.
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