Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Happiness... is it so overrated?
I have absolutely every reason to be happy. I am in good health, I have a great family and great opportunities. Yet, I dont think that I have ever been more sad. I just dont know what to trust in anymore. I used to trust my knowledge. That was until I learned how little I know (a process that began in England and has continued to today). I used to trust my friends. Then I saw that even the closest of friends are capable of abandoning you as soon as things become difficult for them. I used to trust humanity in general. Then I saw Dachau and the Holocaust museum. Where can I put my trust? God? Certainly, that would be ideal. But, where is God in Darfur? Where is he in the brothels where children are forced into prostitution? If God cannot be counted on to stop genocide, how can I trust him with something much smaller? Then, here is the kicker. When it comes to people who suffer, where does my suffering fit in? It doesnt. I have so many blessings that I cant even count them. Yet, here I am frustrated and unhappy, wallowing in my own saddness. When did I become so selfish? When did I become so wrapped up in my own frustrations that I actually think that they are worth mentioning? How does one become selfless?
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2 comments:
Micah... you have pretty much summed up my fealings of the last few days... As I sit and think about how stressed out I am about my life and how much I wish it was different, I think how dare I complain about my petty problems. How dare I think think that somehow the thins going on in my life are more difficult and more importnat than those suffering all around the world and basically anyone around me. And then I ask myself the same question... how did I become so selfish?
As far as God, honeslty, he just has little place in my life right now. I have come to the point that I don't even question anymore for two reasons: one, because its just easier not to ask, and two, becuase then I feel guilty and think how dare I question my maker. Who do I think I am that I have a better plan than God.
It seems nieve to say, but in all fo this, I do still know and believe deep down that God is soverign and just, even if I don't get it. i just have a hard time accepting it sometimes.
I know that was no help, I just wanted you to know you're not alone... and it sucks!!!!
woah amen u guys. I think finally these big questions are starting to sink in for me too. I somehow get myself wrapped up in my own drama over and over again. I am so freaking selfish! And ya, Micah I deffinitely hear you when you say how can we trust God with little things when he lets such horrible things happen. I find myself more and more just wanting to let go to God and at the same time just wanting to hang on to myself and what little control I can have. God has to be good and more powerful than us though or we would've destroyed all goodness long ago, and I do think that goodness exists, and a reality that's more real than anything we can see.
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