Ana tabaan

I’m tired of school. I’m tired of doing meaningless things. I’m tired of trying and failing in all of the areas of life that I care about most. I’m tired of feelings. I’m tired of caring about things. I’m tired of the rat race. I feel empty. I want answers, but God seems to think that it makes more sense to keep me in the dark. Is this God's way of making me more reliant on him or something like that? I have some super tough decisions that I have to make in the next couple of days. There isn’t an easy way out. Nor is there a clear "right" path in the multitude of situations that confront me. Mokhi fadi. Ana fadi.
I just want to forget everything that I know and everyone that I know and go somewhere far far away. A remote village in the Amazon rainforest would probably suffice. That just might take me far enough away from everything. The problem is that no matter how fast I run, I cant outrun myself...
PLEASE pray for me. I can’t begin to put into words the shit that I am going through right now.
Perhaps I have said too much. Perhaps. I just feel that writing anything less would be a complete lie.
For now, I’m just going to take it one day at a time and persevere and make it through to better times.