religion

I posted my theological thing as a comment on Alissa's. Basically I am confused as well. I don't really know if I would be considered a Christian at this point, although I still consider myself to be one. Basically, I'm lazy and somehow I feel like I just can't commit to anything. So I may be a commitmentphobe, but I really feel like I just need to really, truly believe something before I can profess it and follow it, but how will that happen? I feel like something's missing in my life, and I'm pretty sure it has to do with God and Christ and my lack of commitment to him, something along those lines, but where do I start, and why should I start?

I feel like now I need to rebuild my whole faith system, but what to build it on? What do I know to be true? What do I refuse to give up? What will I fight for? Why should I fight for it? But these questions all have to do with me, and I'm just a human, and it shouldn't start with me anyway, so what the hell do I do?

Today in doctrine of christ my professor (like Alissa's) was telling us how the church developed doctrine's and why they aren't exactly good arguments, and what the other arguments are. This is good stuff, I want to hear it, but it does add to a general state of confusion, which I'm beginning to think will be the rest of my life, not necessarily a bad thing. Today he said, "I don't think every person that has had a mistaken christology is going to hell. If that were the case, hell would be a very interesting, but very populous place." Then I was thinking, well then wouldn't u say that any one from a different religion just really has a different christology? I mean, especially Muslims, who follow and believe in Christ, just not as God.

Ok well moving on. I don't know if I told u guys, I probably did, but I'm teaching this Muslim woman from Morocco English, but she's already really good at English, so we really just hang out and talk and learn some grammar and american idioms. Anyway, her name is Fatiha and she goes to both the mosques in GR and said that I could deffinitely visit and go over to her house anytime. She is so sweet, and she says, "as you like" all the time, hehe. We write and talk about arabic sometimes too.

O and I'm going to drop my (pretty darn boring) class on criminal justice: adult corrections so that I can take arabic lessons at this middle eastern market with some ppl monday nights. Haha, who need credits anyway? Even my parents supported this decision....

Ok so I have another reason why Christianity is kind of seeming like a failure of a religion. I was talking to Fatiha about hitchhiking. She was saying that she would deffinitely pick up a woman hitchhiker because she would feel bad for her and want to help her. SO then contrast with this. There was a person from Chicago area coming to visit calvin for the Fridays@Calvin program. This is the program I work for. This high school student had no way to get to Grand Rapids at the right time and so my coworker decided she'd call other people coming for fridays that lived around there to see if they would want to give them a lift to Calvin. So she calls, they refuse. I call one of them a few minutes later as a confirmation call and this is the conversation:

Mom: "someone called from there like three minutes ago!"
Me: "O from the Fridays at calvin program?"
Mom: "Yes! I'm very concerned. They asked us to drive a STRANGER with us!"
Me: "O that was probably Megan."
Mom: "Do u need us to confirm AGAIN?!"
Me: "No, that's fine, thank you, bye."

OK seriously to quote Izzy from Grey's anatomy, "its what Jesus would f***ing do!"

Honestly, Christians need to step it up a little. Ur visiting a Christian college, its a high school student, you have ur husband, u and ur kid, how is that sketchy at all? Jesus made it very clear that ur supposed to help the stranger, supposed to do whatever u can for them. Fatiha is five thousand steps ahead of this Christian mother.

Frustrating! luv u all though, keep writing