I decided to wait for two days until I calmed down so my post could have some meat to it instead of just ranting and raving. I've been having a small problem with church lately. It seems most times I go the pastor speaks about Islam or the end times or something of the sort. I was talking to my roommates about this Saturday as we were trying to decide which church to go to. I told them I'm tired of the same old shit services (sorry folks), and that if the pastor spoke about Islam or the end times I might walk out. They assured me this pastor was on a series and it wouldn't include these topics. So I went to our church here on campus (about 1200 people attend). Everything was going fine, the worship was a bit dry for me, but lately it has been. The pastor started speaking and he was talking about narratives and how important they are. Everyone has one, it's important to who you are...blah blah blah. He starts to tell Jesus' narrative and it's going well, I'm looking at Christ in a bit different way and everything is fine. Then he decides to compare the fundamentals of the Bible cross-religiously...yup you guessed it --he picked Islam. He only said one sentence but it caused silent, hot tears to flow. He said something along the lines of the narrative of the Qur'an being a god of vengeanceand no wonder Muslims are so...dedicated to the things they do. Clearly, to me meaning suicide bombing. Then he moved on to another topic. Just real quick but real deadly. All I could think about was the 1200 people who were there just filled their knowledge bank about Islam with one more slanderous fact. I think I became slightly dehydrated with the amount of tears that flowed down my cheeks at how sad, angry and upset his one sentence made me.
In other news, I had a confrontation with one of my friends on Monday night. There has been what I would definitely call a rift between my suite now and the suite I used to live in. I have felt for the past few weeks that they had just written me off and were ignoring me. Turns out I was partially right. I talked to my friend and she said everyone is just feeling 'weird' about me being back. I'm back but apparently different and they don't know how to be my friend. Again, for the second time in two days I started crying those silent, hot tears. I want to live my life here like I've been changed. If I go back to being the same old Mandy then the last seven months of my life were done in vain. I will NOT pretend to be someone I'm not. Who knows what will happen with all of us.
Also, I put in my application for Student Body President yesterday--we'll see what happens.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
No I'm not engaged
But it was fun to see people's reactions. I think you all deserve to hear the full story so here it is:
Diana and I work at the computer Help Desk at Asbury. We have a very interesting staff at the Help Desk and in Information Services in general. We're a close knit bunch, like a family (these are the same people I work for that I told you were Orthodox and I now attend church with). Well while I was gone they adopted a new policy of asking student workers for their blog sites and reading their blogs. This lead to a few rather humorous interactions.
Before I left for Egypt Laura and Jordan (two student employees) were dating. The Jordan broke up with Laura. Laura posted on her blog site that it was really weird that Jordan broke up with her and was now dating her best friend. My boss Bert read this and assumed that Laura's best friend was Diana. Bert then went down to confront Diana about this who got a big kick out of it.
Well over Christmas break Diana wrote a fictional blog post, that was labeled fiction, in which she talks about being engaged to a guy she hardly knows. She's quite the writer and was just writing it for fun. Well my boss' boss Paul (the IS manager) read it (you can read it if you like) and assumed that it was real and congratulated her. Later he realized that it may not be real and had Bert go and ask her if it were real or not.
Well a few weeks ago Diana and I started dating and we thought it would be fun to intentionally mess with our bosses' heads, mainly Bert though. We initially did this by not announcing to many people we were together, not changing our status on facebook or elsewhere, etc. It was really fun, some days you could tell he was wondering if we were together, but was afraid to ask due to past mistakes and other days we had him wholly convinced that he was imagining things.
What many of you witnessed was the last step in this game of mental cat and mouse where we faked an engagement. We even when out and got a fake ring, fake pictures, and made up fake stories (my story is on facebook her's is here: http://didims7.wordpress.com/2007/02/26/dreams/).
So anyway it was fun to mess with my bosses, but we are not engaged and won't be anytime in the near future. Hope I didn't mess with your heads too much!
Diana and I work at the computer Help Desk at Asbury. We have a very interesting staff at the Help Desk and in Information Services in general. We're a close knit bunch, like a family (these are the same people I work for that I told you were Orthodox and I now attend church with). Well while I was gone they adopted a new policy of asking student workers for their blog sites and reading their blogs. This lead to a few rather humorous interactions.
Before I left for Egypt Laura and Jordan (two student employees) were dating. The Jordan broke up with Laura. Laura posted on her blog site that it was really weird that Jordan broke up with her and was now dating her best friend. My boss Bert read this and assumed that Laura's best friend was Diana. Bert then went down to confront Diana about this who got a big kick out of it.
Well over Christmas break Diana wrote a fictional blog post, that was labeled fiction, in which she talks about being engaged to a guy she hardly knows. She's quite the writer and was just writing it for fun. Well my boss' boss Paul (the IS manager) read it (you can read it if you like) and assumed that it was real and congratulated her. Later he realized that it may not be real and had Bert go and ask her if it were real or not.
Well a few weeks ago Diana and I started dating and we thought it would be fun to intentionally mess with our bosses' heads, mainly Bert though. We initially did this by not announcing to many people we were together, not changing our status on facebook or elsewhere, etc. It was really fun, some days you could tell he was wondering if we were together, but was afraid to ask due to past mistakes and other days we had him wholly convinced that he was imagining things.
What many of you witnessed was the last step in this game of mental cat and mouse where we faked an engagement. We even when out and got a fake ring, fake pictures, and made up fake stories (my story is on facebook her's is here: http://didims7.wordpress.com/2007/02/26/dreams/).
So anyway it was fun to mess with my bosses, but we are not engaged and won't be anytime in the near future. Hope I didn't mess with your heads too much!
Sunday, February 25, 2007
life is beautiful
ok so I just signed on to facebook and basically, well everyone needs to check out Bryan's profile, because holy crap! I'll leave it at that.
Ok anyway I thought I'd let u know that I had my first arabic lesson and deffinitely still can't pronounce my letters. But at least my teacher's a lot more patient than turban Nahed, and he's freakin hilarious, and his kid hates me already. We're still learning letters, thank God.
Also, remember how we had to do that big Qur'an paper last semester. Well I'm continuing that project for one of my classes this semester. I'm doing a cross-cultural, cross-religious look at interpretation of the story in the Qur'an about Adam and the tree in the garden. I have three interviews in Egypt and three interviews here so far. I interviewed Fatiha, who I'm teaching English, and she wants me to interview her husband. I got invited to her house to get to know each other better too, yay! I interviewed my housemate and her boyfriend from India too. Its really interesting guys.
O and tonight, by another of the weird coincidences that seem to make up my life, the two guys at Calvin from Egypt sat next to me at LOFT (its our sunday night worship service thing) and so after the service I was like, "hey you're the guys from Egypt right?" Haha, smooth I know. The one I met freshman year was actually like, "and I met you on a plane," haha, yay he remembered. So we talked for a good while, it was great. They're really nice and funny and were trying to speak arabic to me. However, the guy who's actually from Cairo said Agouza was a ghetto. I was like, "uhh, not really, its pretty nice."
Otherwise in my life, I did my weird thousand hand buddha dance performance this weekend, for those of u who saw the early stages of my practice a few weeks ago, haha. It went well. That basically ate my life this week.
I had an amazing really long conversation with my boss on Monday morning about theology and judgment and if we could judge people or say that anything was automatically wrong or evil, the nature of evil, the nature of humanity, the nature of God, sexuality, homosexuality, American culture and how ridiculous and protected and pornographic it is, etc. I've realized after this last semester that I thrive on these conversations. The real, important, deep ones.
It snowed really beautiful, huge fluffy snowflakes tonight and now all the trees and everything are covered in like an inch of fuffy snow. Its beautiful, but no one will play in the snow with me. If only David were here with his snowpants.
Guys I love u all, and I'm glad I have u all to struggle with all this weird crap with.
Ok anyway I thought I'd let u know that I had my first arabic lesson and deffinitely still can't pronounce my letters. But at least my teacher's a lot more patient than turban Nahed, and he's freakin hilarious, and his kid hates me already. We're still learning letters, thank God.
Also, remember how we had to do that big Qur'an paper last semester. Well I'm continuing that project for one of my classes this semester. I'm doing a cross-cultural, cross-religious look at interpretation of the story in the Qur'an about Adam and the tree in the garden. I have three interviews in Egypt and three interviews here so far. I interviewed Fatiha, who I'm teaching English, and she wants me to interview her husband. I got invited to her house to get to know each other better too, yay! I interviewed my housemate and her boyfriend from India too. Its really interesting guys.
O and tonight, by another of the weird coincidences that seem to make up my life, the two guys at Calvin from Egypt sat next to me at LOFT (its our sunday night worship service thing) and so after the service I was like, "hey you're the guys from Egypt right?" Haha, smooth I know. The one I met freshman year was actually like, "and I met you on a plane," haha, yay he remembered. So we talked for a good while, it was great. They're really nice and funny and were trying to speak arabic to me. However, the guy who's actually from Cairo said Agouza was a ghetto. I was like, "uhh, not really, its pretty nice."
Otherwise in my life, I did my weird thousand hand buddha dance performance this weekend, for those of u who saw the early stages of my practice a few weeks ago, haha. It went well. That basically ate my life this week.
I had an amazing really long conversation with my boss on Monday morning about theology and judgment and if we could judge people or say that anything was automatically wrong or evil, the nature of evil, the nature of humanity, the nature of God, sexuality, homosexuality, American culture and how ridiculous and protected and pornographic it is, etc. I've realized after this last semester that I thrive on these conversations. The real, important, deep ones.
It snowed really beautiful, huge fluffy snowflakes tonight and now all the trees and everything are covered in like an inch of fuffy snow. Its beautiful, but no one will play in the snow with me. If only David were here with his snowpants.
Guys I love u all, and I'm glad I have u all to struggle with all this weird crap with.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Alumni Website
Here's the alumni website:
http://alumni.bestsemester.com/login.aspx
I tried logging into it myself and had trouble, so take it with a grain of salt. When it works it may prove to be quite spiffy.
-Peace
http://alumni.bestsemester.com/login.aspx
I tried logging into it myself and had trouble, so take it with a grain of salt. When it works it may prove to be quite spiffy.
-Peace
Ana tabaan
I’m tired of school. I’m tired of doing meaningless things. I’m tired of trying and failing in all of the areas of life that I care about most. I’m tired of feelings. I’m tired of caring about things. I’m tired of the rat race. I feel empty. I want answers, but God seems to think that it makes more sense to keep me in the dark. Is this God's way of making me more reliant on him or something like that? I have some super tough decisions that I have to make in the next couple of days. There isn’t an easy way out. Nor is there a clear "right" path in the multitude of situations that confront me. Mokhi fadi. Ana fadi.
I just want to forget everything that I know and everyone that I know and go somewhere far far away. A remote village in the Amazon rainforest would probably suffice. That just might take me far enough away from everything. The problem is that no matter how fast I run, I cant outrun myself...
PLEASE pray for me. I can’t begin to put into words the shit that I am going through right now.
Perhaps I have said too much. Perhaps. I just feel that writing anything less would be a complete lie.
For now, I’m just going to take it one day at a time and persevere and make it through to better times.
I just want to forget everything that I know and everyone that I know and go somewhere far far away. A remote village in the Amazon rainforest would probably suffice. That just might take me far enough away from everything. The problem is that no matter how fast I run, I cant outrun myself...
PLEASE pray for me. I can’t begin to put into words the shit that I am going through right now.
Perhaps I have said too much. Perhaps. I just feel that writing anything less would be a complete lie.
For now, I’m just going to take it one day at a time and persevere and make it through to better times.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Hello Friends
Hey all - I've been reading everyone's posts (I check the blog like everyday) and I thought I should update people on my life, which won't take long. I've been pretty busy with school, working, and TAing. I've been doing some really good bonding with my friends, which makes me very happy inside, although there isn't enough bonding and there is too much schoolwork. I've been learning more about God by his grace, only because he is faithful to me when I struggle tremendously with being faithful to him. Egypt seems like such a long time ago. I do get to see Anna every Wednesday, and next week we're going to an Egyptian restaurant, which I am super excited about - I want to taste shwarma again! Anyway, I just wanted you all to know that I am thinking about you and I miss you all a lot. I have loved getting various peoples' e-mails and calls - it seriously makes my day. Anyway, any American Idol fans out there? Yeah, I know I'm a huge dork, but I must admit that I'm beginning to get a bit addicted again. ;-)
Abbie
PS~With people talking about God and suffering, I thought I'd relate a story my pastor once told us about his life. It might not help at all, but here it is, and it has kind of stuck with me. Shortly after his wife of 40 years had died, he was struggling with believing that God was good, that Jesus loved him. For moments such as those, he keeps a wooden cross in his pocket. When he struggles with questions about God's goodness, he reaches into his pocket and takes out the cross. He doesn't have all the answers to all the "why" questions, but he knows that God is good and Jesus loves him because of what took place on that cross.
Abbie
PS~With people talking about God and suffering, I thought I'd relate a story my pastor once told us about his life. It might not help at all, but here it is, and it has kind of stuck with me. Shortly after his wife of 40 years had died, he was struggling with believing that God was good, that Jesus loved him. For moments such as those, he keeps a wooden cross in his pocket. When he struggles with questions about God's goodness, he reaches into his pocket and takes out the cross. He doesn't have all the answers to all the "why" questions, but he knows that God is good and Jesus loves him because of what took place on that cross.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Bethlehem Opportunity
the director of global studies at my school recently presented me with this opportunity to study Arabic in Bethlehem while living with a Palestinian family and working with a local non profit organization. you would also meet with a lot of Israeli and Palestinian human rights organizations. just thought i'd pass this on to you all. sounds way interesting to me. i think they also offer a program in Damascus. http://www.middleeastfellowship.org/pse2007
Mumkin...reunion back in the Middle East?
Hey y'all...I know I haven't written on here in a long time, I have been reading, and I do miss all of you...it's just been kind of a tough past month or so, and I've been a bit withdrawn. But life is getting better, and God is good even when my life sucks.
Anyway, so, enough of that. I'm assuming y'all got the e-mail from Dr. Dave (by way of Steve Byers, my friend the new intern) about the State department scholarships for studying Arabic over the summer...I'm definitely going to apply for that (having been rejected once by the State Department, I've decided to try my luck again), and I'm wondering if any of y'all were looking into it. I think the program in Yemen looks most interesting out of the Intermediate Arabic programs...mostly because we've all already been to Amman. So, mumkin, a few of us could end up in Yemen this summer? What do y'all think?
Anyway, so, enough of that. I'm assuming y'all got the e-mail from Dr. Dave (by way of Steve Byers, my friend the new intern) about the State department scholarships for studying Arabic over the summer...I'm definitely going to apply for that (having been rejected once by the State Department, I've decided to try my luck again), and I'm wondering if any of y'all were looking into it. I think the program in Yemen looks most interesting out of the Intermediate Arabic programs...mostly because we've all already been to Amman. So, mumkin, a few of us could end up in Yemen this summer? What do y'all think?
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Heresy!!!
Some interesting stuff has happened to me recently. I went to a philosophy conference in Rochester Minnesota called L'Abri. It is in the spirit of Francis Schaefer's retreat in the Swiss Alps. The opening speaker talked about Truth. I want to happy with him. He seemed so certain in his statements of truth. I am struggling with the very questions that he sought to answer and his answers seemed much too simple and easy to me. There were a number of lectures to attend. I chose to go to several on international development and poverty. The speaker who spoke on these topics worked for Food for the Hungry. His emphasis was on the fact that worldview has a lot to do with poverty. He said that societies which do not have a healthy Biblical worldview struggle with poverty BECAUSE their anamist worldview prevents development. He had some VERY good points, but his answer didnt satisfy me very much. Poverty is such a complex thing that it cant simply be conquered by changing attitudes. True, changing attitudes can help conquer poverty, but a biblical worldview is not the panacea. The final lecture that I attended was on Islamic terrorism. I went preparing to get mad. I was expecting the guy to get it all wrong. I was prepared to shoot him down and pop his bubble. The fact is that he got a lot of it correct! He put a lot of emphasis on Sayyid Qutb and emphasized repeatedly the fact that most Muslims are very peaceful. It was good to hear a Christian leader get it right. It was real good. Also, at the conference, I ran into a man who is the head of a theological school in Kenya. It also functions as a medical clinic. I talked to him a lot because that is somthing that I am very interested in doing. I met this man almost by accident. It was quite providential. It was cool to hear about what opportunities there are to serve academically in Africa.
But, it hasnt all been bright and shiny. Today, a close friend of mine, a young man whom I respect highly for his wisdom, accused me twice of being heretical. I was simply asking questions about salvation issues and about the differences between the Christian God and the Muslim God. He accused me of preaching "universalism." I replied that I was actually preaching "I-dont-know-ism" It was tough to hear all the same. Am I a heretic? If I am, am I ok with that? Is asking questions and being uncertain a heresy? I told him that I was using the Bible to uphold some of my questions. He replied that heretics quote the Bible too. What do I say in response? I cant just brush this asside. I respect this guy. He is a wise friend. Oh well, such is life...
Peace
But, it hasnt all been bright and shiny. Today, a close friend of mine, a young man whom I respect highly for his wisdom, accused me twice of being heretical. I was simply asking questions about salvation issues and about the differences between the Christian God and the Muslim God. He accused me of preaching "universalism." I replied that I was actually preaching "I-dont-know-ism" It was tough to hear all the same. Am I a heretic? If I am, am I ok with that? Is asking questions and being uncertain a heresy? I told him that I was using the Bible to uphold some of my questions. He replied that heretics quote the Bible too. What do I say in response? I cant just brush this asside. I respect this guy. He is a wise friend. Oh well, such is life...
Peace
Monday, February 19, 2007
Arabic is too hard!
So I was really excited and really proud of myself becuase I signed up for this community education Arabic class on wednesday nights. I went for two weeks and it was a nice little time of reminicing, except all of the words were different. Basicly, I decided that the only way that I can effectively learn Arabic is with Nahed by my side, so I decided not to go anymore. But at least I tried... it was fun while it lasted. A few weeks ago I took this girl, Dameka, that I tutor once a week to an Egyptian resturant that I really wanted to try. When I told her this weekend taht I went back there without her to get some hummus she got all mad and told me I could only go there with her. It was pretty cute, coming from a sassy 12 year old pubessent girl that doesn't like anyone in her life, or at least that's what she wants everyone to think. So we went and got some babaganuj and it was AMAZING! I would say even better than what I tasted in Agouza. I was impressed. I keep brining my friends there, so I am convinced that they love me.
Oh, and for my teaching experience this semester I'm at this urban school, sixth grade, with this jerk teacher, who thinks he knows everything about everything... but the kids are great. There is one Iraqi girl in there named Mariam and she was trying to explian why she didn't think the US should have anything to do with Iraq, and my jerk teacher just started ripping into her about how its our job to help everyone, especially when oil is involved and she jsut sunk back into her chair... poor thing. I wanted to go over to her and say Ana Asfa...Mumkin howwa ass hole! (I know thats not how to really say it, but I don't k now and it would get the point across). but I didn't think that would be appropriate, but she's my favorite student and I like to think that we're friends.
Oh, and for my teaching experience this semester I'm at this urban school, sixth grade, with this jerk teacher, who thinks he knows everything about everything... but the kids are great. There is one Iraqi girl in there named Mariam and she was trying to explian why she didn't think the US should have anything to do with Iraq, and my jerk teacher just started ripping into her about how its our job to help everyone, especially when oil is involved and she jsut sunk back into her chair... poor thing. I wanted to go over to her and say Ana Asfa...Mumkin howwa ass hole! (I know thats not how to really say it, but I don't k now and it would get the point across). but I didn't think that would be appropriate, but she's my favorite student and I like to think that we're friends.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
this little piggy went wee wee wee all the way home
So I finally made it home. It was a long flight, even longer without your guys around me. Gosh I miss you all. Home is nice if not great but that was to be expected. As promised earlier here is the tale of my lovely flight home.
Note: when going through customs never put on the slip of paper asking where you have been "Syria" because inevitably some sharp airport officer will notice it just when you can see the promised land (a short line in the baggage recheck area meaning you will be able to make that long awaited flight home instead of having to wait an extra 2 or 3 hours). They will send you to the worlds slowest customs officer (who seems to think that the answer to all questions is "put your bags over there and sit") where they will procced to rumage through all your luggage (Dude, do they not see I just came from ISRAEL, as if they could find anything the Israeli's missed) (I should warn you if you ever decide to fly out of Israel the 3 hours early is so not enough) make sure your school exists (why do they ask for information pamphlets from the program you were just on? Do most people try to convince themselves they need to go on the program they were just on?) and then try to have a long meaningful conversation about the world (I mean really, as if I can be nice to someone who just made me miss my flight by 15 minutes. 15! I would rather it have been 2 hours or something!). You will finally make it out of the customs area and procced to the ticketing area (out that way and to the right) where a very nice old man will book you on a flight that is only an hour later than the one you just missed (by 15 minutes). Half an hour later after much niceness and blundering you will make it to the back of a mile long security line just behind about 100 soldiers. Nice to look at but a bitch on security (it's all the random things they forget in their bags, overheard conversation: Youngish soldier to other youngisher soldier "Oh shit I totally forgot to put my extra gun and knife in my checked luggage" "Dude, the sarg will be pissed at you"). Next note to self: flirting can do wonders so can those train thingys in airports, so much less running. When next flight is finally borded make sure you do not talk to the lady with big furry boots, she believes all "Arabs" are terrorist and cannot be convinsed otherwise, this will induce much fuming and silent cursing (I am hoping those great egyptian curses work, boils anyone?). At the end of the next day you will finally reach home and all will be well except for the freezing weather and snowstorm.
I hope all of you guys realize how lucky you are to still be in places where you are confronted with Christ everyday and that you are pushing to find the answers. I feel as though I have entered a no question zone where all the things I learned and questioned for all of college must be put on hold. It just makes life so much easier if I don't tell my family what I actually think about God. They are doing all they can just dealing with my new politics and worldview that anything new with God is just too much. It is hard because I really don't have any contact outside my family. I miss you guys and people in general. This sounds like a total pity party but it is hard going from the world to the end of the world. I want to struggle again but most days I just can't find the energy. I know it will get better for all of us.
Note: when going through customs never put on the slip of paper asking where you have been "Syria" because inevitably some sharp airport officer will notice it just when you can see the promised land (a short line in the baggage recheck area meaning you will be able to make that long awaited flight home instead of having to wait an extra 2 or 3 hours). They will send you to the worlds slowest customs officer (who seems to think that the answer to all questions is "put your bags over there and sit") where they will procced to rumage through all your luggage (Dude, do they not see I just came from ISRAEL, as if they could find anything the Israeli's missed) (I should warn you if you ever decide to fly out of Israel the 3 hours early is so not enough) make sure your school exists (why do they ask for information pamphlets from the program you were just on? Do most people try to convince themselves they need to go on the program they were just on?) and then try to have a long meaningful conversation about the world (I mean really, as if I can be nice to someone who just made me miss my flight by 15 minutes. 15! I would rather it have been 2 hours or something!). You will finally make it out of the customs area and procced to the ticketing area (out that way and to the right) where a very nice old man will book you on a flight that is only an hour later than the one you just missed (by 15 minutes). Half an hour later after much niceness and blundering you will make it to the back of a mile long security line just behind about 100 soldiers. Nice to look at but a bitch on security (it's all the random things they forget in their bags, overheard conversation: Youngish soldier to other youngisher soldier "Oh shit I totally forgot to put my extra gun and knife in my checked luggage" "Dude, the sarg will be pissed at you"). Next note to self: flirting can do wonders so can those train thingys in airports, so much less running. When next flight is finally borded make sure you do not talk to the lady with big furry boots, she believes all "Arabs" are terrorist and cannot be convinsed otherwise, this will induce much fuming and silent cursing (I am hoping those great egyptian curses work, boils anyone?). At the end of the next day you will finally reach home and all will be well except for the freezing weather and snowstorm.
I hope all of you guys realize how lucky you are to still be in places where you are confronted with Christ everyday and that you are pushing to find the answers. I feel as though I have entered a no question zone where all the things I learned and questioned for all of college must be put on hold. It just makes life so much easier if I don't tell my family what I actually think about God. They are doing all they can just dealing with my new politics and worldview that anything new with God is just too much. It is hard because I really don't have any contact outside my family. I miss you guys and people in general. This sounds like a total pity party but it is hard going from the world to the end of the world. I want to struggle again but most days I just can't find the energy. I know it will get better for all of us.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
It's good to be a minority.
Hello.
I'm going to recount you a story that I think needs to be told. It's epic, I assure you.
A-hem.
In my cafeteria at school, there were several Valentine's Day baskets(cookies and candy and so on...) on display and they had been there for several weeks with no explanation as to what they were for. I, in my infinite wisdom, decided that in a very dramatic way (placing a coat over it) would steal one as a joke. They were stale cookies after all and I was with friends( we all know how that boosts our IQ). So, a few days later, my friend who was with me at the time, gets this phone call saying that she was seen on the camera and needs to give the name of the girl who stole the basket (that's me).
Those baskets were apparently on display as an example of baskets that people could buy and it cost $7.99. Basically they reviewed film footage to find the thief of $7.99 worth of 2-3 weeks old stale cookies and candy. (which I passed out to kids at the library studying for their MCATs!). So it follows that we both are called in and told that we will be expected to serve 20-30 hours of community service in the cafeteria...for stale cookies.
My friend's mother freaks out calls the school. My friend ( "Best" by the way) is Hispanic and her mother goes to the wire for us and pulls out a whole bunch of "SNU is racist" bullshit which lo! and behold! Works Wonders.
We get off Scot Free!
YES YES YES.
Next time, I just won't get caught.
SNU is racist anyway.
_kaitlyn
I'm going to recount you a story that I think needs to be told. It's epic, I assure you.
A-hem.
In my cafeteria at school, there were several Valentine's Day baskets(cookies and candy and so on...) on display and they had been there for several weeks with no explanation as to what they were for. I, in my infinite wisdom, decided that in a very dramatic way (placing a coat over it) would steal one as a joke. They were stale cookies after all and I was with friends( we all know how that boosts our IQ). So, a few days later, my friend who was with me at the time, gets this phone call saying that she was seen on the camera and needs to give the name of the girl who stole the basket (that's me).
Those baskets were apparently on display as an example of baskets that people could buy and it cost $7.99. Basically they reviewed film footage to find the thief of $7.99 worth of 2-3 weeks old stale cookies and candy. (which I passed out to kids at the library studying for their MCATs!). So it follows that we both are called in and told that we will be expected to serve 20-30 hours of community service in the cafeteria...for stale cookies.
My friend's mother freaks out calls the school. My friend ( "Best" by the way) is Hispanic and her mother goes to the wire for us and pulls out a whole bunch of "SNU is racist" bullshit which lo! and behold! Works Wonders.
We get off Scot Free!
YES YES YES.
Next time, I just won't get caught.
SNU is racist anyway.
_kaitlyn
In the news...
Egyptian Brotherhood mass arrests:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/6364689.stm
I don't have much to update on my life. Something interesting about my academic work is that for my senior psychology thesis I am studying student attitudes and position regarding the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. I am taking a very particular issue (such as the wall) and measuring students' positions toward it--I am also going to measure their social dominance orientation (an individual difference variable, I don't really want to explain), existing attitudes toward Muslims and Jews, prior knowledge of the event, and the effects of biased media on position. Anyway...it will be a ton of work, but hopefully by the end of the semester I will have some interesting data and results. Hope you are all well. Love, Julia
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/6364689.stm
I don't have much to update on my life. Something interesting about my academic work is that for my senior psychology thesis I am studying student attitudes and position regarding the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. I am taking a very particular issue (such as the wall) and measuring students' positions toward it--I am also going to measure their social dominance orientation (an individual difference variable, I don't really want to explain), existing attitudes toward Muslims and Jews, prior knowledge of the event, and the effects of biased media on position. Anyway...it will be a ton of work, but hopefully by the end of the semester I will have some interesting data and results. Hope you are all well. Love, Julia
My answer to the questions posed on this blog (or the lack therof)
Everything has become very shaky for me too. Nearly every "support system" in my life has broken down or at least been severly shaken. Here is a prayer that I prayed in chapel last week. Towards the end of the prayer I seem to imply that non-christians dont go to heaven. I dont believe this. I dont know what to beleive anymore. I am going to leave that to God. But, I couldnt really say anything else without going in to much more detail about salvation issues and thereby distract from the goal of my prayer.
Lets pray
Sovereign Lord, we know that you rule over all things. We know that you hear our every heart-beat and see our every smile. We know that you are loving and that you are good. Yet, there are things that we don’t know. We don’t know how you can be both just and gracious. We don’t know how your son was able to humble himself to become a man. There is much that we do not know, but there is one important question that stands out in my own mind: why do you delay? Lord, we look around at the pain and the injustice in the world and it makes us tremble. Sometimes, we cant even sleep at night. We try to reconcile our concept of a loving Messiah with a God who seems to turn a blind eye to injustice, genocide, homicide, cancer, birth-defects, poverty, racism, sexism, pollution, pornography, tsunamis, AIDS and so much more. Lord, when will you come? Lord, when will you return and fix it all? We need a solution and we need it badly.
Lord, today we would like to raise up to you the people who suffer. We want to raise up anyone who lives with emotional pain, psychological pain, spiritual pain, physical pain or any other type of brokenness. Be with these people. Make your presence known.
In particular Lord, we want to raise up to you the Persecuted Church. Be with and comfort the Christians who fear for their lives. Bring comfort, bring peace, bring hope. Be with the families of Sammy and Nasser Isaac. Being a Christian in Egypt is not a piece of cake. Bless Sammy and Nasser as they seek to spread your word to their fellow Egyptians. Protect them from the possible consequences of their missionary activities. Bless these men who follow you and who may face persecution for your sake.
Also Lord, we want to raise up to you those who suffer but who have no faith in you. Their suffering seems to have even less purpose than the suffering of Christians. At least, when a Christian dies, there is the small consolation that they will see you in heaven upon judgment day. As a Christian, looking at the suffering of non-Christians, there is little such consolation. So, we ask you today to be with non-Christians for whom life is agony. Bless them and draw them to yourself.
Finally Lord, help us, your people to have a healthy attitude when it comes suffering and those who suffer. Give us words when words are necessary. Give us ears to listen to those in pain. And, give us strength to share in the grief of our friends, our family and all of humanity.
In your holy name
Amen
So, I still believe that God is sovereign. If he isnt sovereign, then I dont think that he would be truly God. But, I cannot for the life of me reconcile that with the problem of suffering. In an attempt to explain how suffering works, I wrote a poem. It isnt done yet. I need to rework it a lot. But, the extended metaphor carries some weight in my mind.
O Sovereign Surgeon
In the ER.
You remove the forbidden fruit
Caught in our esophagi
But where is the novocaine?
Must we scream at every slice of the scalpal?
Is there any other way?
You ignored your beloved son when he asked.
Yet, I dare to ask again.
I suppose that that is the only comfort that I have now. That Jesus went through this before me. He lived life so that I might learn how to live mine and he suffered that I might be spared from eternal suffering. Thank God for Jesus!
Lets pray
Sovereign Lord, we know that you rule over all things. We know that you hear our every heart-beat and see our every smile. We know that you are loving and that you are good. Yet, there are things that we don’t know. We don’t know how you can be both just and gracious. We don’t know how your son was able to humble himself to become a man. There is much that we do not know, but there is one important question that stands out in my own mind: why do you delay? Lord, we look around at the pain and the injustice in the world and it makes us tremble. Sometimes, we cant even sleep at night. We try to reconcile our concept of a loving Messiah with a God who seems to turn a blind eye to injustice, genocide, homicide, cancer, birth-defects, poverty, racism, sexism, pollution, pornography, tsunamis, AIDS and so much more. Lord, when will you come? Lord, when will you return and fix it all? We need a solution and we need it badly.
Lord, today we would like to raise up to you the people who suffer. We want to raise up anyone who lives with emotional pain, psychological pain, spiritual pain, physical pain or any other type of brokenness. Be with these people. Make your presence known.
In particular Lord, we want to raise up to you the Persecuted Church. Be with and comfort the Christians who fear for their lives. Bring comfort, bring peace, bring hope. Be with the families of Sammy and Nasser Isaac. Being a Christian in Egypt is not a piece of cake. Bless Sammy and Nasser as they seek to spread your word to their fellow Egyptians. Protect them from the possible consequences of their missionary activities. Bless these men who follow you and who may face persecution for your sake.
Also Lord, we want to raise up to you those who suffer but who have no faith in you. Their suffering seems to have even less purpose than the suffering of Christians. At least, when a Christian dies, there is the small consolation that they will see you in heaven upon judgment day. As a Christian, looking at the suffering of non-Christians, there is little such consolation. So, we ask you today to be with non-Christians for whom life is agony. Bless them and draw them to yourself.
Finally Lord, help us, your people to have a healthy attitude when it comes suffering and those who suffer. Give us words when words are necessary. Give us ears to listen to those in pain. And, give us strength to share in the grief of our friends, our family and all of humanity.
In your holy name
Amen
So, I still believe that God is sovereign. If he isnt sovereign, then I dont think that he would be truly God. But, I cannot for the life of me reconcile that with the problem of suffering. In an attempt to explain how suffering works, I wrote a poem. It isnt done yet. I need to rework it a lot. But, the extended metaphor carries some weight in my mind.
O Sovereign Surgeon
In the ER.
You remove the forbidden fruit
Caught in our esophagi
But where is the novocaine?
Must we scream at every slice of the scalpal?
Is there any other way?
You ignored your beloved son when he asked.
Yet, I dare to ask again.
I suppose that that is the only comfort that I have now. That Jesus went through this before me. He lived life so that I might learn how to live mine and he suffered that I might be spared from eternal suffering. Thank God for Jesus!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
religion
I posted my theological thing as a comment on Alissa's. Basically I am confused as well. I don't really know if I would be considered a Christian at this point, although I still consider myself to be one. Basically, I'm lazy and somehow I feel like I just can't commit to anything. So I may be a commitmentphobe, but I really feel like I just need to really, truly believe something before I can profess it and follow it, but how will that happen? I feel like something's missing in my life, and I'm pretty sure it has to do with God and Christ and my lack of commitment to him, something along those lines, but where do I start, and why should I start?
I feel like now I need to rebuild my whole faith system, but what to build it on? What do I know to be true? What do I refuse to give up? What will I fight for? Why should I fight for it? But these questions all have to do with me, and I'm just a human, and it shouldn't start with me anyway, so what the hell do I do?
Today in doctrine of christ my professor (like Alissa's) was telling us how the church developed doctrine's and why they aren't exactly good arguments, and what the other arguments are. This is good stuff, I want to hear it, but it does add to a general state of confusion, which I'm beginning to think will be the rest of my life, not necessarily a bad thing. Today he said, "I don't think every person that has had a mistaken christology is going to hell. If that were the case, hell would be a very interesting, but very populous place." Then I was thinking, well then wouldn't u say that any one from a different religion just really has a different christology? I mean, especially Muslims, who follow and believe in Christ, just not as God.
Ok well moving on. I don't know if I told u guys, I probably did, but I'm teaching this Muslim woman from Morocco English, but she's already really good at English, so we really just hang out and talk and learn some grammar and american idioms. Anyway, her name is Fatiha and she goes to both the mosques in GR and said that I could deffinitely visit and go over to her house anytime. She is so sweet, and she says, "as you like" all the time, hehe. We write and talk about arabic sometimes too.
O and I'm going to drop my (pretty darn boring) class on criminal justice: adult corrections so that I can take arabic lessons at this middle eastern market with some ppl monday nights. Haha, who need credits anyway? Even my parents supported this decision....
Ok so I have another reason why Christianity is kind of seeming like a failure of a religion. I was talking to Fatiha about hitchhiking. She was saying that she would deffinitely pick up a woman hitchhiker because she would feel bad for her and want to help her. SO then contrast with this. There was a person from Chicago area coming to visit calvin for the Fridays@Calvin program. This is the program I work for. This high school student had no way to get to Grand Rapids at the right time and so my coworker decided she'd call other people coming for fridays that lived around there to see if they would want to give them a lift to Calvin. So she calls, they refuse. I call one of them a few minutes later as a confirmation call and this is the conversation:
Mom: "someone called from there like three minutes ago!"
Me: "O from the Fridays at calvin program?"
Mom: "Yes! I'm very concerned. They asked us to drive a STRANGER with us!"
Me: "O that was probably Megan."
Mom: "Do u need us to confirm AGAIN?!"
Me: "No, that's fine, thank you, bye."
OK seriously to quote Izzy from Grey's anatomy, "its what Jesus would f***ing do!"
Honestly, Christians need to step it up a little. Ur visiting a Christian college, its a high school student, you have ur husband, u and ur kid, how is that sketchy at all? Jesus made it very clear that ur supposed to help the stranger, supposed to do whatever u can for them. Fatiha is five thousand steps ahead of this Christian mother.
Frustrating! luv u all though, keep writing
I feel like now I need to rebuild my whole faith system, but what to build it on? What do I know to be true? What do I refuse to give up? What will I fight for? Why should I fight for it? But these questions all have to do with me, and I'm just a human, and it shouldn't start with me anyway, so what the hell do I do?
Today in doctrine of christ my professor (like Alissa's) was telling us how the church developed doctrine's and why they aren't exactly good arguments, and what the other arguments are. This is good stuff, I want to hear it, but it does add to a general state of confusion, which I'm beginning to think will be the rest of my life, not necessarily a bad thing. Today he said, "I don't think every person that has had a mistaken christology is going to hell. If that were the case, hell would be a very interesting, but very populous place." Then I was thinking, well then wouldn't u say that any one from a different religion just really has a different christology? I mean, especially Muslims, who follow and believe in Christ, just not as God.
Ok well moving on. I don't know if I told u guys, I probably did, but I'm teaching this Muslim woman from Morocco English, but she's already really good at English, so we really just hang out and talk and learn some grammar and american idioms. Anyway, her name is Fatiha and she goes to both the mosques in GR and said that I could deffinitely visit and go over to her house anytime. She is so sweet, and she says, "as you like" all the time, hehe. We write and talk about arabic sometimes too.
O and I'm going to drop my (pretty darn boring) class on criminal justice: adult corrections so that I can take arabic lessons at this middle eastern market with some ppl monday nights. Haha, who need credits anyway? Even my parents supported this decision....
Ok so I have another reason why Christianity is kind of seeming like a failure of a religion. I was talking to Fatiha about hitchhiking. She was saying that she would deffinitely pick up a woman hitchhiker because she would feel bad for her and want to help her. SO then contrast with this. There was a person from Chicago area coming to visit calvin for the Fridays@Calvin program. This is the program I work for. This high school student had no way to get to Grand Rapids at the right time and so my coworker decided she'd call other people coming for fridays that lived around there to see if they would want to give them a lift to Calvin. So she calls, they refuse. I call one of them a few minutes later as a confirmation call and this is the conversation:
Mom: "someone called from there like three minutes ago!"
Me: "O from the Fridays at calvin program?"
Mom: "Yes! I'm very concerned. They asked us to drive a STRANGER with us!"
Me: "O that was probably Megan."
Mom: "Do u need us to confirm AGAIN?!"
Me: "No, that's fine, thank you, bye."
OK seriously to quote Izzy from Grey's anatomy, "its what Jesus would f***ing do!"
Honestly, Christians need to step it up a little. Ur visiting a Christian college, its a high school student, you have ur husband, u and ur kid, how is that sketchy at all? Jesus made it very clear that ur supposed to help the stranger, supposed to do whatever u can for them. Fatiha is five thousand steps ahead of this Christian mother.
Frustrating! luv u all though, keep writing
Sunday, February 11, 2007
In which life goes from here to there
So this is going to be short. Sorry I haven't written lately but I have been much too busy being lazy and traveling to Cairo, oh and having birthdays. I am leaving the Middle East today and traveling back home to Wyoming. It does not make me happy but there is no choice, I have learned to live with it (drama, drama, drama). Anyhoo, I have this long ass flight with no time for customs and a henna tatoo that says Cairo so I know that security is going to be hell on earth. It will make for great stories in the next post! The main reason for this post is to let you all know I am coming back, if you didn't already know. I promise to write more when I am back in the States and to tell you all tragic stories of airports and winter weather.
Friday, February 9, 2007
awkwardness is my life
OK well...
So did anyone see the thing I sent u on facebook? It was Jerusalem going freakin crazy. That complex by the dome of the rock was like covered in ppl running and stun grenades and the IDF running around trying to round ppl up and old men being carried out, etc. There was a little angry arabic too. If not, here's the link. Its so weird, we were just there and it looks like everything's just crazy, but I guess its "resolved" now.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/02/09/jerusalem.clashes/index.html?eref=rss_topstories
So about my life being awkward. Micah somewhat created an awkward situation with the guy I like/liked because for some odd reason he ended up staying on his floor here and then talking to him and evidently this guy knows all about me liking him. Haha. So I was kinda freakin out about how I was gonna talk to him about this so we weren't awkward around each other from then on. However, I guess Micah actually convinced him to talk to me (so go Micah) and so we were set to smoke hookah at my house, haha, but then it was too cold (my roommate make us smoke outside), so we just talked instead, and I think things are ok, but I was too awkward to bring up this whole awkward thing. I'm pretty sure I was putting out just friendly vibes though, haha...
So ya, that's awkwardness of my life number 1.
Akwardness number two. I spilled this whole story plus my whole life story to my boss yesterday, and my new freshman co-worker I'd known for like three days. But my boss is freakin persistent and just so freakin easy to talk to. But anyway he now knows like my entire childhood story, the fact that I'm 20 and I drink (ocassionally), this whole weird situation, and all about my parents. Kinda weird, but kinda cool and liberating. Anyway, I love my job. I work like 15 hrs a week and basically we just goof around. I had a good conversation last night with one of my new coworkers (he actually asked about higabs!) while we sat at a desk for three hours and got paid. This job also involves going to the dining hall at least once a day for free, pretty sweet.
Awkwardness number three, probably the funniest. Today I was early to Doctrine of Christ class. I was looking around the room and realized that there was a poster with arabic on the wall that I'd never realized before. So then I was trying to read the poster, staring at it intently, it looked like "ilsbay" in the middle...And then I hear, "do you have a problem?!" in this really angry kind of tone. My eyes then snap to the guy that's sitting kind of below the poster, looking very angrily at me. I was like, "ah, no I was trying to read the poster...I'm sorry, that must've been really creepy, I'm really sorry." I'm turning bright red at this point, and most of the class has come in during the time I was staring at the poster. He's like, "it looked like you were just staring at me." So freakin awkward! I was staring for like three minutes too. AHHH!
So ya, my life is kinda awkward and I'm confused about what I believe and what kind of purpose my life has, like Micah I guess, but for some reason I'm still so darn happy all the time. I find myself uncontrollably smiling quite a lot and just being amazed at how beautiful life is and how lucky I am for so many reasons. You guys are one huge big reason, or should I say 25 big reasons. Luv u all
So did anyone see the thing I sent u on facebook? It was Jerusalem going freakin crazy. That complex by the dome of the rock was like covered in ppl running and stun grenades and the IDF running around trying to round ppl up and old men being carried out, etc. There was a little angry arabic too. If not, here's the link. Its so weird, we were just there and it looks like everything's just crazy, but I guess its "resolved" now.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/02/09/jerusalem.clashes/index.html?eref=rss_topstories
So about my life being awkward. Micah somewhat created an awkward situation with the guy I like/liked because for some odd reason he ended up staying on his floor here and then talking to him and evidently this guy knows all about me liking him. Haha. So I was kinda freakin out about how I was gonna talk to him about this so we weren't awkward around each other from then on. However, I guess Micah actually convinced him to talk to me (so go Micah) and so we were set to smoke hookah at my house, haha, but then it was too cold (my roommate make us smoke outside), so we just talked instead, and I think things are ok, but I was too awkward to bring up this whole awkward thing. I'm pretty sure I was putting out just friendly vibes though, haha...
So ya, that's awkwardness of my life number 1.
Akwardness number two. I spilled this whole story plus my whole life story to my boss yesterday, and my new freshman co-worker I'd known for like three days. But my boss is freakin persistent and just so freakin easy to talk to. But anyway he now knows like my entire childhood story, the fact that I'm 20 and I drink (ocassionally), this whole weird situation, and all about my parents. Kinda weird, but kinda cool and liberating. Anyway, I love my job. I work like 15 hrs a week and basically we just goof around. I had a good conversation last night with one of my new coworkers (he actually asked about higabs!) while we sat at a desk for three hours and got paid. This job also involves going to the dining hall at least once a day for free, pretty sweet.
Awkwardness number three, probably the funniest. Today I was early to Doctrine of Christ class. I was looking around the room and realized that there was a poster with arabic on the wall that I'd never realized before. So then I was trying to read the poster, staring at it intently, it looked like "ilsbay" in the middle...And then I hear, "do you have a problem?!" in this really angry kind of tone. My eyes then snap to the guy that's sitting kind of below the poster, looking very angrily at me. I was like, "ah, no I was trying to read the poster...I'm sorry, that must've been really creepy, I'm really sorry." I'm turning bright red at this point, and most of the class has come in during the time I was staring at the poster. He's like, "it looked like you were just staring at me." So freakin awkward! I was staring for like three minutes too. AHHH!
So ya, my life is kinda awkward and I'm confused about what I believe and what kind of purpose my life has, like Micah I guess, but for some reason I'm still so darn happy all the time. I find myself uncontrollably smiling quite a lot and just being amazed at how beautiful life is and how lucky I am for so many reasons. You guys are one huge big reason, or should I say 25 big reasons. Luv u all
Thursday, February 8, 2007
in order to avoid the wonders of homework as long as possible...
just thought i'd post a picture of my narly eye...because really i am pretty proud of it. well, it doesn't look this bad now, almost completely void of blood as hawthorne can attest, but i do still have a pretty sweet scar from the stitches. sweet.
i too am very sad to have missed out on you all's little get together at calvin :(. sad sad. i hope you had a great time!
so i have been asked to serve on a panel at Fox presenting on the role of the US in Iraq for the Center for Peace and Justice program. i am super nervous because i hate talking in front of people and because i am the only non-professional/student on the panel. eek. but i am excited for the opportunity non-the-less. apparently my prof for Int'l Peace and Conflict decided that i have become outspoken enough in his class that he wanted me to share on the panel.
and thus ends my news.
oh p.s. i can read again! i don't know if i ever mentioned...but i couldn't really read for a few weeks due to the state of my eye. now it is time for some major catching up in school. sweet.
egypt is nice this time of year...Lovedrug
Today I feel prickly, like a porcupine. This week has been hard. I was determined to make this week a good one, because I saw ya'll last weekend and I'm seeing Ryan this weekend (a friend from New Orleans). However, Monday came and exploded in my face. I don't know if you've been watching American news but Spring Ar.JPG)
bor has been on it recently. The administration just announced they were not renewing the contract of a professor who is transgendered. He came out two or three years ago and started dressing as a woman. He is remaining with his wife and not acting on homosexual behavior yet is violating a new contract that stated he would not cross dress on campus but he has appeared near campus and on it wearing earrings and makeup. So he's being fired and it's the talk of the century. Everyone is up in arms about this man/woman. I do not support what the univsersity is doing because at the root of the problem I don't believe what he's doing is wrong. He's not divorcing his wife, and not acting in homosexual behavior he's still technically a man. He did violate his contract however, and I'll concede that. But I joined a facebook group to the liking of "We support Julie Marie ..." (if you want to look it up) The day after I joined I was called into my supervisor's office. She oversees my leadership position on campus. She told me I had to leave the group because as a student leader I should not be a part of a group that discredits the university. I gave her my reasoning for being the group and she stared at me like she needed to pray for me. The judgement and criticism of my own judgement was apparent on her face. That night I went to a meeting for an AIDS awareness group on campus I'm a part of. I was feeling overwhelmed and had to back out of a comittment and someone was complaining about it, and I ended up shouting "I am just too overwhelmed ok!?" Again, they just stared. No one asked me if they could help, or what was wrong, they just stared. The next day I again incurred many a stare and I'm beginning to feel like a freak. Am I a freak? I am having quite a rough time this week and I just feel freakish. I do not believe I am wrong in my opinions today and this week, but everyone looks at me as if I'm wrong. Oh dear me. I cannot wait for the weekend so I can escape off this campus.
Bottom line: I miss you. I am looking for redeeming grace for my school, friends and professors.
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bor has been on it recently. The administration just announced they were not renewing the contract of a professor who is transgendered. He came out two or three years ago and started dressing as a woman. He is remaining with his wife and not acting on homosexual behavior yet is violating a new contract that stated he would not cross dress on campus but he has appeared near campus and on it wearing earrings and makeup. So he's being fired and it's the talk of the century. Everyone is up in arms about this man/woman. I do not support what the univsersity is doing because at the root of the problem I don't believe what he's doing is wrong. He's not divorcing his wife, and not acting in homosexual behavior he's still technically a man. He did violate his contract however, and I'll concede that. But I joined a facebook group to the liking of "We support Julie Marie ..." (if you want to look it up) The day after I joined I was called into my supervisor's office. She oversees my leadership position on campus. She told me I had to leave the group because as a student leader I should not be a part of a group that discredits the university. I gave her my reasoning for being the group and she stared at me like she needed to pray for me. The judgement and criticism of my own judgement was apparent on her face. That night I went to a meeting for an AIDS awareness group on campus I'm a part of. I was feeling overwhelmed and had to back out of a comittment and someone was complaining about it, and I ended up shouting "I am just too overwhelmed ok!?" Again, they just stared. No one asked me if they could help, or what was wrong, they just stared. The next day I again incurred many a stare and I'm beginning to feel like a freak. Am I a freak? I am having quite a rough time this week and I just feel freakish. I do not believe I am wrong in my opinions today and this week, but everyone looks at me as if I'm wrong. Oh dear me. I cannot wait for the weekend so I can escape off this campus.Bottom line: I miss you. I am looking for redeeming grace for my school, friends and professors.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
"And I swerve out of control..." -Amsterdam by Coldplay
The last month has been pretty hard for me. A lot of things have been changing as far as my perspective regarding God, regarding myself, regarding my friends, pretty much everything. The real problem is that I dont have much direction in my life. A friend wisely said to me today that the only thing that I should rely on is God. Everything else will fail me. He is totally right, but the problem is that I dont really feel like relying on God now. Im sort of frustrated with Him. Sometimes, I am shocked by how little I know Him. In the past, He seemed so near. Now, he feels light-years away. My old perceptions of God had a lot of wiggle room. I gave Him lots of space to be who he is, the omnipotent almighty pantocrator. Yet, I confess that I sort of had Him in a box despite all the "openmindedness" that I felt that I had when it came to understanding God.
Ultimately, I just wish that my life made more sense. I wish that I had some goals, just one solid reason for getting out of bed in the morning. Now, I dont really have anything except for the fact that it has become a habit that I cant bring myself to break.
I prayed in chapel yesterday. I prayed for those who suffer. I prayed for the persecuted church. And, in front of the students and faculty, I asked God why he continues to allow suffering. It was tough.
But, it hasnt all been bad. I went out to get some coffe with a professor today. He is a philosophy prof and a GENIUS!!! (even better than Hawthorne if you can believe it) I just sat there and talked about Egypt for two hours. He asked me really good questions, in particular about Islam. It was really good. It made me think.
Oh well, I have to go do homework.
Peace
Ultimately, I just wish that my life made more sense. I wish that I had some goals, just one solid reason for getting out of bed in the morning. Now, I dont really have anything except for the fact that it has become a habit that I cant bring myself to break.
I prayed in chapel yesterday. I prayed for those who suffer. I prayed for the persecuted church. And, in front of the students and faculty, I asked God why he continues to allow suffering. It was tough.
But, it hasnt all been bad. I went out to get some coffe with a professor today. He is a philosophy prof and a GENIUS!!! (even better than Hawthorne if you can believe it) I just sat there and talked about Egypt for two hours. He asked me really good questions, in particular about Islam. It was really good. It made me think.
Oh well, I have to go do homework.
Peace
Monday, February 5, 2007
Habibi
So I just finished reading this book called Habibi... its a book for middle schoolers and its about this 15 year old girl who was born in America but her dad is Palestinian and he decides to move his family back to Israel. I really liked it. While its not 100% accurate at times its an easy read and a good book to have someone read if you want to gently introduce them to the problems in Israel...
But, here is a little selection that I think Allissa will find especially close to her heart (and maybe some others)...
"No More Meat"
Liyana followed her mother into the stinky store croweded with stacked shelves of crooked stick and wire cages. The chickens in the cages were alive and cramped, jabbering, in ther boxy prisions. They were not headless body parts on Styrofoam plates wrapped neatly in anonymous plastic in a refrigerated grocery compartment. THey were not thights, drumsticks, and breasts.
Her mother took a deep breath and said, Wahad, min fadlack. She seemed to be avoiding eye contact with the chickens herself. The butcher would let you pick your own chicken if you wanted to, but Liyana's mother didn't
Turning her back on the scene, Mom started into the street as the butcher plunged his hand into a cage toward one very upset white chicken. Liyana didn't want to see any of it either, but she couldn't stop looking. He grabbed it troughly by its legs and it screamed. Then he swung it abruptly, upside down, so it went into shock and dangled limply a moment before he plopped it onto his blookdy counter, grabbed the big knife, and slashed off its head.
Liyana couldn't help herself. "No!" She waved her arm as if to slap him.
Her mother gripped her shoulder, "Oh, stop"
Liyana's eyes fildled up.
THe chickens body trembled and writhed after the head was severed, then fell still. The butcher turned to plunge the body into a steaming pot, then defly stripped the feathers off, wrapping the body in white paper.
Did Liyana just imagine the other chickens grew much quiteter for a moment? That a sheen of horror hung in the air? Each time a new person stepped into the shop, the chickens must worry, My Turn?
At that moment, full of the rotten stench of th shop, Liyana's poor mothe rhanding her money over to the butcher, not liking it either but saying, Shookran, in a tight voice, Liyana became a vegetarian.
I loved the book and it made me miss Egypt, so I recomend it
I hope you all had a great time at Calvin... I wish I would have been there
I miss you guys!
Anna
But, here is a little selection that I think Allissa will find especially close to her heart (and maybe some others)...
"No More Meat"
Liyana followed her mother into the stinky store croweded with stacked shelves of crooked stick and wire cages. The chickens in the cages were alive and cramped, jabbering, in ther boxy prisions. They were not headless body parts on Styrofoam plates wrapped neatly in anonymous plastic in a refrigerated grocery compartment. THey were not thights, drumsticks, and breasts.
Her mother took a deep breath and said, Wahad, min fadlack. She seemed to be avoiding eye contact with the chickens herself. The butcher would let you pick your own chicken if you wanted to, but Liyana's mother didn't
Turning her back on the scene, Mom started into the street as the butcher plunged his hand into a cage toward one very upset white chicken. Liyana didn't want to see any of it either, but she couldn't stop looking. He grabbed it troughly by its legs and it screamed. Then he swung it abruptly, upside down, so it went into shock and dangled limply a moment before he plopped it onto his blookdy counter, grabbed the big knife, and slashed off its head.
Liyana couldn't help herself. "No!" She waved her arm as if to slap him.
Her mother gripped her shoulder, "Oh, stop"
Liyana's eyes fildled up.
THe chickens body trembled and writhed after the head was severed, then fell still. The butcher turned to plunge the body into a steaming pot, then defly stripped the feathers off, wrapping the body in white paper.
Did Liyana just imagine the other chickens grew much quiteter for a moment? That a sheen of horror hung in the air? Each time a new person stepped into the shop, the chickens must worry, My Turn?
At that moment, full of the rotten stench of th shop, Liyana's poor mothe rhanding her money over to the butcher, not liking it either but saying, Shookran, in a tight voice, Liyana became a vegetarian.
I loved the book and it made me miss Egypt, so I recomend it
I hope you all had a great time at Calvin... I wish I would have been there
I miss you guys!
Anna
Epic Beardness and conference
Well most of you know, but I thought I would post the pictures on here since some of you don't have myspace or facebook. The pictures speak for themselves...
Grown out since November. I shaved it last night, but wanted you all to get to see what was inspired by our semester. I sent a picture of it to Steve who was the main instigator of my quest for epic beardness.
Anyway hanging out with close to half of MESP was amazing. It was so surreal. I miss everyone we didn't get to see though and we WILL figure out a way to hang out inshallah x100.
Grown out since November. I shaved it last night, but wanted you all to get to see what was inspired by our semester. I sent a picture of it to Steve who was the main instigator of my quest for epic beardness.
Anyway hanging out with close to half of MESP was amazing. It was so surreal. I miss everyone we didn't get to see though and we WILL figure out a way to hang out inshallah x100.
Friday, February 2, 2007
Dazed and Confused in Portland, Oregon
To be brutally honest I have been wanting to use that title for the past few weeks, but since I am a terrible friend I have not written anything on the blog so far. I hope you can forgive me. I also hope that all of you that have been able to make it out to Calvin are having a great time because all of us who are not able to come are dying of jealousy. Literally Dying of Jealousy. So on to the dazed and confused part of my life. Well it basically has to do with my ability to close my eyes and suddenly end up walking in Agouza. Fairly shocking to me because Portland is about as opposite as one can get. I mean the grass is green everywhere and the evergreen trees are well ever green. Life to me is at a happy chaotic stasis where I really don't know where I am going, but I will know I am there when I get there. That basically means that I really need to get in gear and do my application to Eastern University unless I want to paint houses for the rest of my life. Shockingly painting houses does not rank very high on "The Things that Matt Wants to do With His Life" list. School is well, let's just say that going to school in Portland is a little less exciting than going to school in Cairo and leave it at that because really, how much more do I need to say? On the upside however I am really enjoying taking Biblical Hebrew again. I have had a few good conversations with some people and one conversation where I was informed that Petra is featured in the Left Behind series. That just goes to show you that you learn something new everyday. I was kind of excited for the conversation and it was really going well while I was talking and explaining about the trip because there was some genuine interest on his part in going on MESP. And then HE spoke and I exited quickly off stage right searching desperately for a way out of the conversation. I thankfully escaped unharmed and without saying anything that I would have regretted. That has been my rather tame bad experience so far. I guess if you are naturally shy and don't really want to get into arguments it makes sense that you don't get into too many heated debates. However I did get into a debate about affirmative action recently, but that is another story. So I have bored you too much and I need to read and then go to bed so I can go paint a bathroom tomorrow at 9 dollars an hour. Good Night.
Have a good time at Calvin those of you who are able to go, and those of us who are not able to go ask that those who are able to go to pray for our souls as we envy you greatly.
Matt
Have a good time at Calvin those of you who are able to go, and those of us who are not able to go ask that those who are able to go to pray for our souls as we envy you greatly.
Matt
International Realtions: Political Topics: Terrorism Studies
I signed up for this class thinking that it would be good for me. What a great topic to study after returning from the Mid. East! Wrong! The professor is rather unbiased, but I often feel like vomiting (literally) after exiting the classroom. Today, I wanted to run away.
A person was speaking on how he opposes the death sentence, but he agrees with torture! I am sitting thinking...this kind of makes sense after all, why kill people if we can keep them a live and torture them? Yes, yes, this would be much better!
I so wish I could let you all listen to the class and hear your reactions. Lately we have been talking about what goes off (or switches) within a person that makes them actually commit a terrorist act.
Let's just say it has been interesting, and I often find myself unable to communicate anything that I am thinking. I stutter, and I am rendered speechless at the ridiculous beliefs that are expressed in this class! I miss you all very much. I hope those of you who are going to the conference have fun and stay safe!
Becca
A person was speaking on how he opposes the death sentence, but he agrees with torture! I am sitting thinking...this kind of makes sense after all, why kill people if we can keep them a live and torture them? Yes, yes, this would be much better!
I so wish I could let you all listen to the class and hear your reactions. Lately we have been talking about what goes off (or switches) within a person that makes them actually commit a terrorist act.
Let's just say it has been interesting, and I often find myself unable to communicate anything that I am thinking. I stutter, and I am rendered speechless at the ridiculous beliefs that are expressed in this class! I miss you all very much. I hope those of you who are going to the conference have fun and stay safe!
Becca
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